It changed me, in very mild and i would claim beautiful ways. I let go of intellect and just accept the emotion as something that i naturally generate, like the way a tree grows.

Edit; it occured to me that i didn't answer your main question.

I actually dont see a disconnect between normal thought and holy thought.

I imagine i will feel this loneliness and terror and grief and deep sadness at the time of death, and i felt how it might resolve, and it brings a certain joy and a “oh, really? This is actually what it’s about?” And the fear and terror slowly subside into magical relaxation.

So im ok with death, i was ok with death before that, but the “this is all for you” moment sort of cemented it.

Have you ever watched "Mr. Nobody" (2009)? There's something about the scene where the main protagonist dies (the senior citizen living in the future) that resonates to the "haha, oh that's what it was all about!". Long movie but I enjoyed it.

I did, and i loved it aswell. I should watch it again today to remember it, its been years since i did. Thank you for reminding me

You may have tried this already, and it may not work for you, but - a daily meditation practice, and general interest in Zen Buddhism, has helped me personally bring to my baseline reality some of the enlightenment I have felt during past psychedelic experiences.

Same. But despite years of practice, it took reading The Mind Illuminated and sitting 45-60min every single day for 4-6 months before some walls started really breaking down. I lost my social anxiety and a lot of fear in general. But just a word of a caution: serious meditation practice is NOT all sunshine and rainbows. Most people eventually encounter a "washing of sins" or "dark night of the soul" phase that can be pretty gnarly if you're not expecting it. I didn't think to would happen to me but it really knocked me on my ass when it happened.

Its a glorious eye openning moment.

I practice vipassana, and my third retreat pit me against a very insane part of me, accompanied by severe muscular convulsions.

It all made me realize how little we understand about who and what we really are, and what ails us.

I wish more would find out

Same! I had just started getting the phosphenes where I started seeing flashes of light that settled into this wonderful glow that seemed to come from inside my own head coinciding with this wonderful sense of true calm and peace. But then I started to get a bunch of weird head pressure/headaches which started between my eyes and then worked its way all around my head and stuff and eventually worked its way out in some weird emotional outbursts where it felt like I was vomiting up every stale, nuanced variant of sadness and anger I'd ever felt. It would come in waves, feel like I actually had to throw up, and then instead of vomit coming out, my face would contort into an expression of anguish or anger and the emotions would come out.

I'm a skeptics skeptic, but man did that shake my belief against all the various spiritual disciplines involving chi, and chakras and all that stuff I had considered total nonsense. Now I consider it at least to be some sort of poorly understood psychosomatic relationship deeply connecting the somatosensory and emotional parts of your brain.

Strange and powerful stuff. I did not anticipate that much depth to a meditation practice.

I still get a lot of weird muscle cramps in my shoulders when I start to turn on the continuous introspective awareness of my attention. It's nowhere near as bad as it was though. But I also don't sit for more than 30 min. anymore. The whole process was very cathartic but utterly bizarre.

It opens a glorious door into emotional life.

Those faces you talked about helped me understand paychological projection, and how what i think someone did, is probably me blaming them for something they didnt do the way i understand it.

We are bizzar, and its actually really cool.

In vipassana, they tell you to ignore those faces, and scary things (also even the good) - or to Examine them in relaxed acceptance - eventually always going back to the breath, and it helpes the intensity “dissolve” and mellow out.

I found out that the twitches and pains i have are produced by a similar mechanism, and sitting long enough with my “fighting emotions” releases them and also releases the pain.

Its easier to drink a beer or smoke a joint, so i understand society’s choice.

it just occurred to me that maybe a vipassana could help you better examine your deeper convictions.

you believe something, but it seems that your mind isn't silent enough for you to hear it.

Thanks for your thoughts, that's an interesting way of looking at it!