I understand your frustration and -- perhaps -- a feeling of having no agency in the situation. But at the same time I find this sentence fascinating and scary:
> It's her life so I leave her alone, not my place to tell her what to do, and the emotional upheaval from her isn't worth it either.
Inverting the order of your explanations (to examine the weighting), we have:
estimated low return for investment/effort
avoidance of drama (the other's emotional upheaval)
relinquishment of participatory role in guiding the other
relinquishment of influence/interest in the other's life
If you were a parent talking about your child, people would certainly admonish you. Yet because she is a young adult and you are merely siblings, many more people might agree with your complete detachment.
Can a person who obviously needs guidance/intervention not be worth the time ? Even though the person is in one's family ?
The narcissocial media actively create an illusion that gratifies loneliness and isolation. Modern urban life had already become a reality of denaturing, competition, isolation, and indifference. The antipatterns run deep.
But then you add...
> But it's crazy that a person can get this lost in life and become completely devoid of purpose and meaning.
Your family member seems to be in need of help. It takes a family/village, as they say. We too often omit to remind ourselves that a person becomes a person through other people. [1]
I understand what you're saying, but that's not how life works. If a person has no anchor and they deliberately avoid establishing that anchor in their lives, then how do you expect them to stay stable when going gets tough? I have to respect her as a person first and foremost, and I cannot enforce my own thoughts/ideas because I think that is what's best for her.
She needs to find it for herself, and then establish that as her anchor. If it is cosmetics, then so be it. I have no gripe with that. What I do have a gripe with is reluctancy to be a functional human being and engaging with your family and friends.
As I said in another comment, I offered to help her to do stuff online on multiple occasions. But she can't even accept that, or come to terms with it. Hypothetically, that might also mean she knows that perhaps it's not what she truly wants for herself, as far as building a life (anchor) around it.
I'm not detached, and neither is anyone in my family.
I sympathize with this because as far as I'm aware there is no solution to helping an adult person that really doesn't want help. I would love to know if somebody has actually managed to help such a person.
Little by little is my advice, be at hand but not a crutch, show them what they are missing out on but don't push them to engage, they have to decide they want a better life and to do something about it.
There are so many psycological problems that we don't know anything about yet. Not everyone are normal. Or better, we don't really know normality yet. Some people have very big problems physically meeting people and after a full day of work, this might be an impossible task. Internet might seem like a shield that allows building up strength for the next day. The old thing about "Just get out there and meet people" isn't the solution for everyone, just don't give up on them. There is a way to coexist with us all, just have to find your way of doing it.
The situation you describe sounds familiar, but having dealt with these situations there are many potential root scenarios the facts can support.
Here are a few things that stick out. There is some motive force that animates your sister.
She travels to and from work regularly. Is able to go out and get surgery and cosmetics.
She has reduced interaction with immediate family - more precisely, she has reduced her interactions over several years.
You describe interactions as situations where “ ..doesn't share her actual thoughts and gets angry when asked about it”, / Emotional Upheaval.
There are many skills that are at play here. Decision making, planning, goal setting, even basic skills like getting out of the house. It will be tempting to “judge” and comment how those skills are being used - ignore that urge.
Secondly, you describe your efforts to provide assistance - suggesting Building sites, or expanding on her interests, which result in a “I dont know.” Of the methods attempted, loosely classified, they focus on action, doing things.
Assuming that you are helping in the manner you would expect to be helped - it may not be the manner in which she understands help or needs to be helped.
In the off chance that this extrapolation based on limited data is correct, then your sister may simply connect or need help in different ways.
From experience - some people dont need a plan or help, they need to understand themselves, this is sufficient information for them to make their own plans and act on their own. Others prefer concrete, actionable plans and dont really need this kind of help.
When two such individuals attempt to help each other, the usual outcome is either “You want me to do more, after I am already struggling?” Or “Why are you wasting my time when I need concrete solutions”.
If it helps - ‘thinking’ something through, is also a project. You are building yourself. Often people forget who they are, what their strengths are, become too tired, expect themselves to perform even though they are dead tired - they make errors in their projects.
In such cases some objective reassurance of their capabilities, a genuine analysis of their situation, helps. Often the best person to do this is a professional, because the emotional state interferes with the objective evaluation (“I will fail” vs “No shit - I cant be creative if I am this stressed”)
I dont have a solution, but I hope some of these thoughts aligned with the circumstances you find yourself within.
If it helps - I use something like this to work situations like this out.
> It's her life so I leave her alone, not my place to tell her what to do, and the emotional upheaval from her isn't worth it either.
Inverting the order of your explanations (to examine the weighting), we have:
If you were a parent talking about your child, people would certainly admonish you. Yet because she is a young adult and you are merely siblings, many more people might agree with your complete detachment.Can a person who obviously needs guidance/intervention not be worth the time ? Even though the person is in one's family ?
The narcissocial media actively create an illusion that gratifies loneliness and isolation. Modern urban life had already become a reality of denaturing, competition, isolation, and indifference. The antipatterns run deep.
But then you add...
> But it's crazy that a person can get this lost in life and become completely devoid of purpose and meaning.
Your family member seems to be in need of help. It takes a family/village, as they say. We too often omit to remind ourselves that a person becomes a person through other people. [1]
[1] _ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ubuntu_philosophy