This is not about kids. You are mentally ill in a serious way. The the therapy you have gotten so far is either incompetent or you are so sick that you need time in an institution where your tragedy can be treated seriously.
I know a number of people who chose not to have children. Some have some level of regret but nobody is going through the kind of dysfunction you are.
You have a lot of years left.
(Also, please do not adopt or otherwise have a child until you are healthy again.)
Being unhappy about a bad situation isn't a mental illness, it's normal. If you try to change your feelings while staying in the same situation, you'll just make yourself more depressed. It's better to change the situation.
The severity of the symptoms are what makes this different. Having panic attacks in the middle of the night because he doesn't have kids, and and being triggered just walking around is not normal, it is a mental disorder.
I know a number of people who chose not to have children. Some have some level of regret but nobody is going through the kind of dysfunction you are.
You have a lot of years left.
(Also, please do not adopt or otherwise have a child until you are healthy again.)