Don't have kids to fill a perceived hole in your life.
I absolutely understand the vicious and cyclical nature of what I'm saying, but half the time people feel like you go on to have kids and then discover that feeling of emptiness was just them all along. Having children can just as much separate and ostracise you from your existing life and social circles, and make things worse. So if you do have kids and it turns out you have a deeper depression, it's not the best environment to introduce somebody who needs all your attention, every day for a few years. It's not fair to the children.
You're 40 and you're not enjoying your work. Fix that first. It's a struggle many have, even parents. Honestly, life as a whole makes a lot more sense when you enjoy what you do every day, when you feel appreciated and see value in your work product.
Once you're grounded, you can look at options. Surrogacy might be an option for a biological or semi-biological match. Consider your partner's feelings in this too. Fostering might be the best on-ramp, but you're not going to be handed a kid to care for unless you're in top condition.
If you're setting that as a goal, make sure you consider that becoming happy with life might take a while, and it might take so long children stop being an option altogether. Make sure you don't tie yourself to a post if you're unsure which way the tide's going. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Don't let it get in the way of your enjoyment of life.
No, there are no universal "firsts" here. in my 20s I had no freaking clue what to do at work and generally career-wise. Still had kids and don't regret it for a second. If I waited until becoming at least somewhat satisfied with work, i would have surely never gotten around to having kids. Hell, for some people "fix your unhappiness at work first" may take an entire lifetime!
I absolutely understand the vicious and cyclical nature of what I'm saying, but half the time people feel like you go on to have kids and then discover that feeling of emptiness was just them all along. Having children can just as much separate and ostracise you from your existing life and social circles, and make things worse. So if you do have kids and it turns out you have a deeper depression, it's not the best environment to introduce somebody who needs all your attention, every day for a few years. It's not fair to the children.
You're 40 and you're not enjoying your work. Fix that first. It's a struggle many have, even parents. Honestly, life as a whole makes a lot more sense when you enjoy what you do every day, when you feel appreciated and see value in your work product.
Once you're grounded, you can look at options. Surrogacy might be an option for a biological or semi-biological match. Consider your partner's feelings in this too. Fostering might be the best on-ramp, but you're not going to be handed a kid to care for unless you're in top condition.
If you're setting that as a goal, make sure you consider that becoming happy with life might take a while, and it might take so long children stop being an option altogether. Make sure you don't tie yourself to a post if you're unsure which way the tide's going. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Don't let it get in the way of your enjoyment of life.
Best of luck.