Fifteen years ago, I suffered from impostor syndrome. It made me defensive whenever someone criticized me because I thought that they were exposing my ignorance--exposing me as an impostor. I would bristle when other developers would say, "Wait? You don't know about [thing]?" Why didn't I know about [thing]???
After 25 years of coding I know enough about the field to know that no one knows it all. When someone is surprised that I don't know something, I smile to myself that they think the entire scope of software development is something anyone could know in its entirety (but I keep this to myself). When someone is defensive about their code or what they know, I now assume they are suffering from impostor syndrome and try to emphasize my own human failings in hopes they will accept their own.
The best defense against impostor syndrome is humility. Part of being humble is being self-effacing with my peers. I love to tell my coworkers every boneheaded mistake I make. I've seen this work wonders for their confidence to know the lead developer regularly misses key requirements, has to go back and completely refactor his poorly-coded solutions, or releases stupefying bugs into production. Software is hard. It's important to always remember that and have sympathy for everyone we work with.
My favorite motto (borrowed from multiple sources) is, "I reserve the right to be smarter today than I was yesterday."
Claiming you have "imposter syndrome" seems to be a popular way to convey modesty or self deprecation. I suspect that many people that claim to have it actually don't.
A surgeon might go to school for up to 12 years to acquire all there advanced knowledge.
It seems like after all that time, there jobs should be so complicated that it would be beyond the understanding of a layperson. But when I go to the doctor I expect that person to be able to explain what is wrong with me, and what they are going to do to fix it. So even with 12 years of education, there isn't REALLY a significant barrier of understanding between the average adult an the doctor.
Now take a I.T. worker who has a 6 month degree from a technical college. He may be able to set up an intranet for the office. But could he explain the difference between a local network, and the wider internet, how the data is processed, and what a webpage is made of, in a way that a layperson could really understand without prior knowledge?
Programming quickly takes people into the realm where intuitive knowledge is of little help. Its very easy to get lost, and even to a programmer who does PHP, certain things with JavaScript can feel like magic.
What I'm saying is that it is a rough environment, and feeling Impostor Syndrome is probably really common, and should be expected in this field. I think in many ways it gets worse the more advanced you become in a specific domain.
> So even with 12 years of education, there isn't REALLY a significant barrier of understanding between the average adult an the doctor.
I apologize for saying this, but this kind of statement smells of Dunning-Kruger. You only feel that way because the doctor works hard to make things understandable for you, and a significant part of his training is in the direction.
How much do you think the average adult would understand when the doctor says something like "I suspect a B-cell mediated paraneoplastic disease (not a T-cell one, mind you), possibly affecting your NMDR receptors? If that's the case, surely a 5-methyl perdnisolone (or maybe a 6-methyl one) will provide some help by modulating antibody generation. An intravenous human normal immunoglobulin is also likely to help in this modulation."?
Instead, the doctor is likely to say "You have an autoimmune disease. We have a cheap-with-side-effects treatment, and an expensive-with-less-but-possibly-not-covered-your-insurance one". Just like the IT guy would say "one works within the office, one works across the world, and there's a gateway between them".
Everything your doctor said has been known and codified in medicine for close to 100 years. So while the specific definitions may be missed, it's still followable for a lay person, because it's connected to concepts they get (cell, disease, antibody, intravenous, maybe even receptors.) If you asked an average adult to translate that sentence, I bet it would come close to your doctor translation, minus the side commentary on costs. Certainly a doctor in another field, say, a podiatrist or even just a first year resident, can follow along with what the immunologist said.
Whereas software is such a vast body (pun intended?) That nothing translates. DevOps interns, analytics architects, experience designers, and black hats have entire worlds of jargon to decode. But people pretend all the time it's all just software and if you're good at Angular you'll be good at embedded computing or if you're good at data modeling you can pick up machine learning.
I definitely have it, or else I wouldn't be a USA freelancer w/ 5+ years php experience (laravel + vue = current stack), but only charge $40 an hour as a freelancer...
See, I KNOW I have it, I KNOW I'm worth more, but when I get into negotiations on rates, I freeze up and low ball to get the client rather than just spit out $100/hour take it or leave it...
I'm in therapy for anxiety/depression though and focus/concentration issues, (just started last week), I'm hopeful some of this might be worked through and I can find some quality clients that will pay industry standards for freelance work..or I'll start a Saas that has MRR and I won't need to worry about it.
Without trying to trivialize your reasons for going to therapy: I don't think you have imposter syndrome. If you do, something seems incongruent here.
It sounds to me as though you struggle with negotiation due to a lack of confidence. That's not ideal but it can be remedied, and it's a different (better, in my opinion) issue to have. On the other hand I don't really think you can have imposter syndrome while being self-aware about having it. Imposter syndrome is a thought process, not a behavioral pattern. Understanding that you're worth more than what you're charging means you're aware you could improve in negotiation. How would you be aware that you're worth more while also being aware that you believe that you're not worth more?
On a more practical note: I used to be a consultant. I initially struggled with negotiation as well. My advice to you is to practice being flippant with the numbers you provide. I know that sounds cavalier and it's easier said than done, but it can be a very empowering (albeit nerve-wracking) experience to learn how to give ridiculous numbers out. You might be surprised how often they're accepted.
The imposter part is I don't feel I'm as 'good' as that other guy who's making 100..maybe I don't know everything htey know..I'm not the best at super complicated algorithms or math, but I can google this shit out of stack overflow and solve 95% of all issues I've ever had. That's what kind of knocks my confidence down a little bit.
Everyone Googles and SOs. The work is too vast and varied, and the timelines have the baked in assumption that you're not reinventing the wheel. You are expected to accelerate through reusd and acquired knowledge.
I need someone who knows PHP syntax and knows what to Google for when they're staring at a problem they don't know off the top of their head.
Let me suggest you look into "twice exceptional" resources. I'm 2xE. When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm truly terrible.
The very nature of being talented but also handicapped makes it nigh impossible to predict if today you are delivering awesome sauce or laying another goose egg. Given that reality, it isn't crazy to err on the side of charging low rates so people don't smear your reputation if it falls short.
Working on solving underlying problems and putting good systems in place for double checking your work can help. I also prefer to charge by the piece rather than by the hour. Then it's my problem if I stare at the screen and drool on myself all afternoon, not my client's, and as I get better, my de facto hourly rate improves.
I absolutely do not suffer from Impostor Syndrome, but I do struggle to appropriately price my work for a variety of reasons, including the fact that I'm 2xE. It's slowly getting better.
Best.
(Will add: I recently learned that the new abbreviation is 2e. You might have more luck searching that term than 2xE.)
"Oh there's a documented psychological phenomena? Time to fix it all with #positiveThinking ". This honestly reeks of the same bs as those who claim depression can be cured by a walk in the woods.
At one job I had, everyone was a PhD or a postdoc, and I hadn't completed my BSc. They offered me 20% more than I would have asked for, and I worked inefficiently because of problems concentrating.
I labeled myself as an impostor in this situation and eventually quit.
The article doesn't argue that impostor syndrome doesn't exist, but that the reader shouldn't use the term. That if you frame your situation differently, you can have a more positive outlook.
My real problem was that I had problems concentrating - a problem that I still have to a lesser extent - but the scenario back then made it harder for me to acknowledge this. "It's because the others are better than you." Well, duh, maybe they were. But you're good, too, if you can concentrate.
I’m always afraid of letting me consider I have it, because I always seem to be put in positions where I’m incompetent.
It’s been a pattern in my career so far, and I don’t know how to break it. I join a new team, learn fast, do good work, everyone loves me. Then management assumes that because I’m good at x, I’m also good at y. So they put me to work on y and I fail miserably. Someone else has to come in and help me/fix it, and now all my credibility is gone.
I try not to beat myself up about it. I consider it a management failure. My current instance of this is management assuming that because I’m a good cider, I’m also good at dealing with infrastructure/operations type stuff. Which is simply not true.
>people in a hierarchy tend to rise to their "level of incompetence".
>employees are promoted based on their success in previous jobs until they reach a level at which they are no longer competent, as skills in one job do not necessarily translate to another
Note that the original text was satire, but the idea itself is quite satisfying, and if true would explain all the bad bosses in the world.
Yeah, it's something akin to the Peter Principle. Except I'm not being promoted. I'm still in the same position, except I always get assigned to do stuff I have no clue about, while there are a thousand other areas in the project where I could be doing my best work. I don't understand it.
Sorry, but seriously, I've been trying to work on this, as well. I don't know your exact situation, but I've found a lot of this comes down to being able to have the confidence to tell your boss "No, I don't think I should be working on that, for X, Y, Z reasons."
There are shit bosses out there, who will still blame you if they put you in a bad situation and it goes bad, but the best you can do is be upfront that you do not believe this situation is set up for success and how it could be improved.
Worth considering that all the people you see who look so confident and with-it (which exacerbates the impostor syndrome) are also likely freaking out on the inside. You are not the special lonesome misunderstood soul.
And yet all of us have worked with someone who really is out of their league and can't do the work adequately, and those people are often the most arrogant and confident. Some get promoted to management.
There's more going on here, but the behavior can largely be predicted based on the individual's place in the social hierarchy. People that suffer from imposter syndrome inevitably have other characteristic traits and behaviors of low social status.
The most striking example is the sitting US President. If anyone should suffer from imposter syndrome, believing he isn't qualified, it's him. And yet there is absolutely no evidence that he does, quite the opposite in fact. If I had to guess I'd say he thinks he's one of the greatest presidents of all time.
That there are those who can BS their way to success doesn't mean there are others who underestimate their abilities and hide. There aren't even just these 2 categories, if you look at those who BS, there are those who are aware of their inadequacies and those who aren't.
If you subdivide those who are aware of their inadequacies, there are those who just don't care and those who use the BS as a screen so they won't get found out. Which brings us back to the start.
Understanding the motivations of an individual and understanding your own motivations, can help you manage developers and help you self-improve.
As a manager, understanding impostor syndrome has allowed me to encourage developers who are hiding before their hiding causes them to not report a production issue they're afraid they'll get fired for. Its also helped me understand when individuals need extra encouragement, so that they try to reach out to others for help.
So just because there are counter examples, doesn't mean its not worth understanding.
I absolutely agree, I just presented two poles, I figured it was obvious it's a continuum and that there are other dimensions as well.
Most programmers have relatively low social status, and exhibit the thought processes and behaviors thereof. You may not think of it in those terms, and that doesn't matter, as long as you pragmatically understand these typical behavior and thought patterns, which it sounds like you do. For what it's worth, the fear of ostracism you describe interfering with reporting issues is a characteristic low status fear. High social status individuals don't fear ostracism, they do the ostracizing.
After 25 years of coding I know enough about the field to know that no one knows it all. When someone is surprised that I don't know something, I smile to myself that they think the entire scope of software development is something anyone could know in its entirety (but I keep this to myself). When someone is defensive about their code or what they know, I now assume they are suffering from impostor syndrome and try to emphasize my own human failings in hopes they will accept their own.
The best defense against impostor syndrome is humility. Part of being humble is being self-effacing with my peers. I love to tell my coworkers every boneheaded mistake I make. I've seen this work wonders for their confidence to know the lead developer regularly misses key requirements, has to go back and completely refactor his poorly-coded solutions, or releases stupefying bugs into production. Software is hard. It's important to always remember that and have sympathy for everyone we work with.
My favorite motto (borrowed from multiple sources) is, "I reserve the right to be smarter today than I was yesterday."
Edit: Grammar.