That chart about marital satisfaction is pretty depressing. I too, am unwilling to concede that the next 15-20 years of my life will be shite. Surely there must be a way to get around this. Good work life balance with kids is all about time optimization and managing expectations.

According to Gilbert, the unhappiness seems to stem from differing parenting styles, constant chaos and our inability to adapt and deal with the change (kinda like what you are saying). That said, have you seen this TED talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/bruce_feiler_agile_programming_for_...

Might be worth piloting to see if you can learn and iterate towards a happier life with your spouse?