Is this a satire? I mean this seems like a satire of the fact that the unfortunate framing of functional programming in terms of "purity" and "impurity" clouds a very abstract question with the intense instinctive reactions we have to questions of personal hygiene. Notwithstanding the fact that a programming language is "impure", you cannot catch anything from it. It cannot defile, pollute, or contaminate you. Nor is there any power that will reward you in this world or the next for your supererogatory devotion to "purity" in programming.
"Impure" doesn't have negative connotations in this context, and in fact "pure" and "impure" are common informal terms when discussing languages with or without control of side-effects.
