Sorry for the long post, just wanted to put my perspective down for once.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 7-8, by advice of a teacher.
If I had to put a severity to it, I'd guess severe. When I was in young, it was a physical feeling of pain in my stomach when I fought against the urge to stand up and walk around.
Before I was diagnosed, I literally couldn't write my own name without help, because I wouldn't sit and do it. After being put on medication, I basically got straight A's and B's through to high school.
Half way through high school, I started to hate the medication, I was depressed and tried to take myself off them secretly. Within the first week, most of my teachers started raising eyebrows and the school called home to see what was going on. After a few trips to the paediatrician, psychologist, and agreeing to weekly therapy at the school, I was taken off the medication.
It got pretty grizzly.
One of my teachers would routinely send me out of the classroom for entire periods because he figured I wasn't going to learn anyway, and I was disrupting everyone else.
I started to struggle in classes I loved, which got incredibly frustrating, I remember clearly knowing the answer to a problem in math class, but struggling to actually write it down, or being in music class (I was the school bands drummer), and struggling to to finish a single song because I couldn't help standing up and stepping away from the drum kit half way through.
It was devastating to me to find I couldn't do these things I knew I was good at without the help of the medication I fought to get off. I'd get off of school and just walk around town. Somehow, one day, I ended up walking into the local TAFE/Curtin (This is in a town in Australia), and for some reason started looking at their class lists. One of the admin's started talking to me, and convinced me to go talk to one of the teachers, who convinced me to give it a try.
Being a small town, the classes were basically empty, so I was almost one on one with the teacher, who let me work through at my own pace. I ended up powering through all the work for the Certificate III and Certificate IV pretty quickly, and he asked me to enrol in the Diploma (For those that don't know, here in aus a Cert/Diploma is under an undergraduate degree), introduced me to the teacher, and she gave me the entire course load in advance, which I also powered through.
They called me in and sat me down and told me I should apply for an undergraduate degree program in the city, and wrote letters of recommendation for me. I did, not really expecting anything to come of it (Remember I was about 14-15 at the time, and still attending high school, and basically failing), and after a few weeks of frantic phone calls, and incredible support from my amazing parents, I got accepted.
I ended up graduating just after my 18th birthday, with an award for grades.
I think about it pretty regularly, what my life would have been like if I hadn't discovered programming via TAFE. I'm 100% certain I could not have finished high school without medication, with high enough marks to get into Uni. And even if I could have, I probably would have assumed that my body would fight me every step of the way just like high school, and opted not to go. I wish I could tell all the people who are in the position I was in at that age, terrified of the future, feeling trapped in a body that won't let them be normal, that, hey, maybe there ARE things you can do. I've described programming as a 'blind spot' for my ADHD. And if I have a blind spot, maybe others do to. I'd like to hope that everyone has something they can do that helps them feel better.
I still struggle with ADHD, I still have trouble sitting through a movie, I get frustrated at myself at the drop of a hat, hell, to be honest, theres a part of me that's proud I managed to type this story out in only one sitting. But I can program, and I honestly feel like that saved my life.
A bit of detail on why I hated the meds: I had pretty negative side effects from the get go, and eventually problems with tolerance, which eventually led to her prescribing an increased dose every checkup (6 months like clockwork).
Over the treatment, side effects I suffered were massive loss of apetite (And everything that goes with not being able to finish a meal, general feeling of faintness, malnutrition), stomach pains, headaches, constant anxiety (Maybe better described as a fear you can't shake?), tired all the time, eventually a sort of zombie feeling, where I'd only leave the house to go to school, didn't like talking to people, etc.
I really felt like a different person. When I took myself off the meds, I made different friends, and my old friends stopped hanging out with me. When they forced me back on, my old friends came back and my new ones left. When they permanently took me off the meds, my old friends left and my new ones came back, and most of them are still close today. None of this was conscious, and none of the people involved were actually told I'd gone off or on medication until well after the fact, it just sort of happened, and discovering that some people who'd been my friends for years didn't like me if I wasn't medicated (Thats how I saw it at the time) really frightened me.
I'd refuse to take the meds over school holidays (Which was OK'd by my doc), and I'd feel significantly better, so I quickly grew to resent them as a child. The paediatrician tried lowering doses very early on once I started showing side effects, and almost immediately my teacher sent home a letter asking what was going on, after spending a while exhausting other options, the paediatrician basically said it was unavoidable, we'd just have to cope one way or the other.
I guess I'm saying I understand they're a miracle for some people, but from age 7(ish) onwards, no type or dosage helped without harm, so I hated them. In the last few years, I have strongly considered (And still am) giving it another try, since rationally I know it likely won't be as bad as it was growing up, but I still have a pretty strong phobia of medication in general.
About text books, I'm actually pretty good with theory text books, things that present new ideas and concepts I can absorb, but 'How To' books I have trouble with, and mostly I can only read the code and learn by example.
Also: I suffer from both. Official last diagnosis is ADHD-C.
You are aware that "natural cures" is the reason Steve Jobs died. While your fish oil might help, it is not a solution to be taken seriously on the scope of adhd as severe as his. Just like natural herbs wasnt the solution to treating a disease as severe as Steve Job's pancreatic cancer.
Honestly, and this is coming from somebody who understands the way you feel. You really shouldnt give up on the medication. Rather you should experiment with the different kind of medications and setting yourself up on a routine that works.
For instance mixed amphetamine salts (sounds like you were on adderall,), works for some people, while methylphenidate (ritalin) works much better. Then there is straterra which works for people where the other two failed. Another thing you should take into consideration is that there is a HUGE difference between Dexedrine and the typical generic amphetamine pills you would get at Walmart for example. (pure Amphetamine-D isomer, vs the mixed salt combo of Amphetmine-D and Amphetamine-L)
What I take specifically is generic amphetamine mixed salt instant release 30 mg that I split up into 4 doses ~3 hours apart. That is for a 12 hour day of work. Then Im also prescribed sleeping pills for insomnia.
The thing is, if I dont break up my pills, or if I make a bad call and decide to pull an all nighter. I get anxiety, swollen lymph nodes, rashes, zombie effect, head aches, cotton mouth, sensitive teeth, ect. One of the main reasons this happens is because you dont properly stay hydrated and well fed.
You need to be strict about your body's needs if you expect to be able to provide for what this medication requires to be effective. You need to support living habits beyond the scope of what the medication provides so that that your brain itself has the chemicals necessary for the medication to be effective.
If your stop eating, drinking, exercising, sleeping while on this medication it will stop working effectively gradually more and more after awhile. A perfect example of this, is if you have ever taken 4 pills in a row, they dont provide the same effectiveness, as if you were to take each of those pills after a full night of sleep. Or if you wait 3 days, they are even more effective.
You have to find a routine that works for you, and you have to research into your disorder. Research into the drugs. When I met my psychiatrist and told him exactly all that I know about the drugs and the neurology behind it, he said he really wished all of his patients took the time to educate themselves on these type of issues like I did because it makes his job a million times easier to find therapies that actually work.
Deciding to forsake medication, or your psychiatrist suggesting its the only choice is wrong. No offense, but you could achieve much greater potential and stability in your life/relationships when you are properly medicated.
I am very productive without my medications, especially as a musician. I had my adhd as under control and manageable as you can get it. People couldnt tell I had adhd. But it is extremely uncomfortable living that way. Learning to live with adhd, without medication only puts walls in your way. This isnt really a debatable matter whether disorders like this should be treated depending on a case by case patient's experience, I highly recommend you dont give up on it because other unfortunate individuals like us, going through a similar experience like you did, might try to give up as well rather than try something new.
All I know, is that im about 8 days without my medication right now, and while I can still code, that doesn't change the feeling that I'm back in my mental cage.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 7-8, by advice of a teacher. If I had to put a severity to it, I'd guess severe. When I was in young, it was a physical feeling of pain in my stomach when I fought against the urge to stand up and walk around. Before I was diagnosed, I literally couldn't write my own name without help, because I wouldn't sit and do it. After being put on medication, I basically got straight A's and B's through to high school.
Half way through high school, I started to hate the medication, I was depressed and tried to take myself off them secretly. Within the first week, most of my teachers started raising eyebrows and the school called home to see what was going on. After a few trips to the paediatrician, psychologist, and agreeing to weekly therapy at the school, I was taken off the medication.
It got pretty grizzly. One of my teachers would routinely send me out of the classroom for entire periods because he figured I wasn't going to learn anyway, and I was disrupting everyone else. I started to struggle in classes I loved, which got incredibly frustrating, I remember clearly knowing the answer to a problem in math class, but struggling to actually write it down, or being in music class (I was the school bands drummer), and struggling to to finish a single song because I couldn't help standing up and stepping away from the drum kit half way through.
It was devastating to me to find I couldn't do these things I knew I was good at without the help of the medication I fought to get off. I'd get off of school and just walk around town. Somehow, one day, I ended up walking into the local TAFE/Curtin (This is in a town in Australia), and for some reason started looking at their class lists. One of the admin's started talking to me, and convinced me to go talk to one of the teachers, who convinced me to give it a try.
Being a small town, the classes were basically empty, so I was almost one on one with the teacher, who let me work through at my own pace. I ended up powering through all the work for the Certificate III and Certificate IV pretty quickly, and he asked me to enrol in the Diploma (For those that don't know, here in aus a Cert/Diploma is under an undergraduate degree), introduced me to the teacher, and she gave me the entire course load in advance, which I also powered through.
They called me in and sat me down and told me I should apply for an undergraduate degree program in the city, and wrote letters of recommendation for me. I did, not really expecting anything to come of it (Remember I was about 14-15 at the time, and still attending high school, and basically failing), and after a few weeks of frantic phone calls, and incredible support from my amazing parents, I got accepted.
I ended up graduating just after my 18th birthday, with an award for grades.
I think about it pretty regularly, what my life would have been like if I hadn't discovered programming via TAFE. I'm 100% certain I could not have finished high school without medication, with high enough marks to get into Uni. And even if I could have, I probably would have assumed that my body would fight me every step of the way just like high school, and opted not to go. I wish I could tell all the people who are in the position I was in at that age, terrified of the future, feeling trapped in a body that won't let them be normal, that, hey, maybe there ARE things you can do. I've described programming as a 'blind spot' for my ADHD. And if I have a blind spot, maybe others do to. I'd like to hope that everyone has something they can do that helps them feel better.
I still struggle with ADHD, I still have trouble sitting through a movie, I get frustrated at myself at the drop of a hat, hell, to be honest, theres a part of me that's proud I managed to type this story out in only one sitting. But I can program, and I honestly feel like that saved my life.