It's not about them being ordered it's about them being unique. You're generating a resource for each element and that resource has a unique name. The stackoverflow way to iterate over a list is to use toset() but more often what people want is
zipmap(range(length(var.my_list)), var.my_list)
where you get {0 => item, 1=>item} and your resources will be named .0, .1, .2. I get the annoyance about the type naming but in HCL lists and tuples are the same thing.
I'm confused by your question, lists don't enforce uniqueness—you can do ["a", "a"] and it's perfectly valid. Sets and the key values of hash maps can't have repeating elements. You can for_each over lists that come from a data block so you can't statically know if a list is effectively a set.
If you don't want .0, .1 then you agree with Terraform's design because that's the only way you could for_each over an arbitrary list that might contain duplicate values. Terraform making you turn your lists into sets gets you what you want.
