I am born in Ukraine and live now in Europe.
As European I may understand your disappointment with the West letting down some "rules based" order and democratic values.
Yet as Ukrainian, I know unfortunately that the premises of the "rules based world" do not apply to many regions in the world, inclusive Ukraine.
Let me explain, a rule-based order means that the monopoly of violence is the privilege of the state: if a bad guy annoys, you get them arrested by the police and sued by the justice.
In international relations, the cop was the US. But if you live in a region where US cannot or just doesn't want to play the cop (for the seek of is interests : think to Saudi Arabia..) then you finish up in a 'violent world' where the order comes from the violence and power.
If you accept that such regions exist, you become a realist (see mersheimer)
And if you are realist, you do not understand why Zelensky has sacrificed 1million people while another strategy would have been more suited: accept the neutrality, play the economic development, play the cultural development (remeber that economy and culture are the weak parts of Putin's policy) and gain margins of independence step by step.
About the only major thing Zelensky could have done differently was to get on a flight out when the 2022 invasion happened and let Putin take over. I don't know if you think that would have been better? There would have been less deaths certainly. But if you look at how the Russians behave in places like Bucha it's not very nice.
What do you think Putin will do in year after a peace?
What do you think Putin will do after taking over Ukraine?
This is also a form of realism, to think what will happen in the future.
yet how do you defeat him right now ? if western stocks are completely depleted, and in the battlefield Ukraine (with all help of western countries) has 1 to 5 or 10 ratio of ballistic to Ukraine / China.
Acknowledging this basic fact hurts to the ego but may save millions of lifes.
Acknowledging this fact makes you think to your sole remaining strategy: separate Putin from Xi and gain time to enhance your military industry.
Acknowledging this fact does not make you pro-Putin as you still prefer a democratic world.
Of course, you will not be very successful in meetings. You can afford such non sense when you have no skin in the game.
But if the lifes of your cousin is at stake, you think in a real world with real terms, what to do to spare your population !
