Aren’t you just effectively tying your real identity (from your ISP) to your crypto assets?

At that point, why not just buy a vps with crypto? Then you would at least be in control of the logging.

Monero/XMR isn't Bitcoin. Its fungible and there is no "tying assets" by design.

https://www.getmonero.org/get-started/what-is-monero/

VPS is usually significantly more expensive (hostings that offer xmr payment are also not the cheapest ones), and less flexible (you can't choose your exit point country). And your anonymity set is... one.

VPS have their uses and VPNs have theirs, they are used for different things.

Or even better, VPNs who accepts cash in envelopes. Mullvad (also on your list) does this, as one example.

Mullvad's technical competence and privacy features have gotten it blocked by pretty much every large company lol