One of the big problems with American culture surrounding infant care these days is that a vocal group of well-meaning but misguided people persuaded everyone that letting a baby cry themselves to sleep is abuse that will ruin them for life.
Our oldest was inconsolable at bedtimes. We tried every kind of hold, rocking, swings, swaddles, nothing worked. None of us were sleeping for the first two weeks.
Finally and with much guilt my wife finally tried one last thing: leaving him to cry in the bassinet. Lo and behold, he was asleep within five minutes and slept longer than he had in his life. That became our routine: we put him down, he cried himself to sleep, then he woke up happy in a few hours.
I don't know who came up with the idea that babies shouldn't cry alone ever, but I strongly suspect that's the culprit that spurs demand for these products.
Yeah, there are definitely outliers and I'm not suggesting you did the wrong thing. But I do feel the need to push back on the ideas that got my wife and me into the place where we felt guilty letting our first baby cry.
We thought our baby was an outlier but it turns out we were just holding him wrong—that is, we shouldn't have been holding him at all. If we'd been better off at the time (and if it had existed) a Snoo could very easily have been the "solution" when all that was really needed was a realistic perspective.
My general advice to parents now is to ignore all advice and do what's right for your unique kid. For some kids that might be a Snoo. For most, though, it's a scam that deliberately preys on parental fears and inflated self-expectations.
I get what you're saying, and appreciate your understanding. I was also sleep deprived, alone, and didn't know what I was doing so may have done the wrong thing.
I and agree that much of the advice to parents is just nonsense- and a lot of it flip-flops every few years, and is sold to parents using terror, saying your child will die or be permanently harmed if you don't do every little thing you're told. It really can help to look at your individual situation and apply some common sense. The terror itself is more harmful than the advice helpful.
I also agree that it's fine to let a kid cry for a while when they had everything they need already and the parents need a break, but I don't think it's evolutionary or culturally normal to let a kid scream all night long alone. Traditionally, people would be in small groups with a lot of caretakers and would trade off rocking or holding a baby. Humans are hard-wired to be extra responsive to, and annoyed by crying: without a big modern insulated house you could not sleep when your baby is crying. Breastfeeding women get a milk letdown reflex when they hear their baby cry, etc. I'm pretty sure I could feel my stress hormones slowly climb as crying went on, motivating me to do something.
This is yet another of those flip-flopping advice things: once they told people if you comfort a crying baby it will make them soft, weak, and dependent. Now they say it will emotionally traumatize them if you don't, and they will develop attachment and social problems. Both ideas are terrifying to parents, and when they hear them will work hard to do what they are told.
Our oldest was inconsolable at bedtimes. We tried every kind of hold, rocking, swings, swaddles, nothing worked. None of us were sleeping for the first two weeks.
Finally and with much guilt my wife finally tried one last thing: leaving him to cry in the bassinet. Lo and behold, he was asleep within five minutes and slept longer than he had in his life. That became our routine: we put him down, he cried himself to sleep, then he woke up happy in a few hours.
I don't know who came up with the idea that babies shouldn't cry alone ever, but I strongly suspect that's the culprit that spurs demand for these products.