"Do you want some advice?" sounds too condescending for my taste, both from the giver and the receiver. Having moved to the United States from a European country, I have discovered that there is a particular dance that most people do in the land of the free that takes away authenticity (not to be confused with being rude, impolite or, even worse, "brutal") and inserts a kind of artificial kindness or feigned interest in the fate of others. This is also what one observes when working in the corporate world: "If I understood you correctly", "let me unpack that"--the therapization of everyday life in which the rulers are the HR people.
Instead of the ballet of "do you want my advice," it would be better to switch to "I think one of the possible courses of action is," or "I have encountered something similar in the past and, at least in spirit, this is what I found helpful." Those are minor dances that tend to work because in any case, almost no one likes to be told "do this or do that" when the one carrying the message is not the one who will suffer the consequences of the wrong action.
> Instead of the ballet of "do you want my advice," it would be better to switch to "I think one of the possible courses of action is," or "I have encountered something similar in the past and, at least in spirit, this is what I found helpful."
Strong disagree--it has to be a question. The entire point of my post is:
1. Ask for consent before giving advice.
2. If they say no, don't give them the advice.
This isn't "artificial kindness or feigned interest in the fate of others"--I agree that exists in the US--it's a real question where the answer really does affect what you decide to do.
"Do you want my advice" = I know how to solve it, but maybe you don't (because you are incompetent, insecure, or not ready to know the "truth") want to solve it and it's okay for you to stay with your problems, your loss, I'm out.
> "Do you want my advice" = I know how to solve it, but maybe you don't (because you are incompetent, insecure, or not ready to know the "truth") want to solve it and it's okay for you to stay with your problems, your loss, I'm out.
No, that's not what that means.
Sure, some oversensitive people will interpret it that way. That's why I provided two other ways of asking the question. "Do you want my advice?" is okay for a lot of people, though; not everyone is so sensitive they'll take offense to that.
It has to be a question, though. And really, if someone is going to assume you think they're incompetent because you ask if they want advice, you think they won't assume you'll think they're incompetent when you say, "I think one of the possible courses of action is..."?
Instead of the ballet of "do you want my advice," it would be better to switch to "I think one of the possible courses of action is," or "I have encountered something similar in the past and, at least in spirit, this is what I found helpful." Those are minor dances that tend to work because in any case, almost no one likes to be told "do this or do that" when the one carrying the message is not the one who will suffer the consequences of the wrong action.