> Creating something just so that I enjoy the process but society do not value at all is something I have a very bad feeling about nowadays. Like I am wasting my time/life.
This is very understandable, especially in a professional setting. But - assuming one has not reached a state of total zen - one cannot live a life in complete selflessness. I am guessing there are things that you do for the sheer enjoyment: watch movies, read books, go for walks? Can the reading and practising of pure mathematics not fall under such a use of time?
You are right: it could still work as something I enjoy. It is just that I am in a state of my life where I do not want to put too much time into such an activity: I have a greater desire to create things that people want. But I still watch interesting movies and occasionally it could be joyful to solve a math problem. But as I do not watch movies dozens of hours weekly, I also do not want to solve math problems dozens of hours weekly. This has probably to do where I am in life currently. This may change later in life (I am middle aged.)
This is very understandable, especially in a professional setting. But - assuming one has not reached a state of total zen - one cannot live a life in complete selflessness. I am guessing there are things that you do for the sheer enjoyment: watch movies, read books, go for walks? Can the reading and practising of pure mathematics not fall under such a use of time?