Not even joking: there is probably a market for starting a mobile provider company that actually requires a DNA sample to change. The DNA could be collected from multiple sources simultaneously (blood, saliva, and randomly chosen fingernails) and run through a hash so that the provider never stores the DNA string itself. Some level of innovation may be required here, I know DNA itself isn't exactly a UUID, but I'm certain it could be done. VIPs would pay for this service and you could offer limited insurance for hackage.

Edit to add: there was an episode of "Forensic Files" where a suspect injected someone else's blood sample (at great personal risk) to evade a DNA test for a sexual assault charge. So just acknowledging that DNA methods can be attacked too. Hence the necessity of multiple random samples.