Pretty much. We sought out a balance and by and large our kids are happier than their peers. However, they also paid the price when it came to school choice, scholarships, and the downstream opportunities that flow from the relentless pursuit of top honors. It is insane.
Sure. The typical path I see is that kids fail to lock in with a high level state school and either need to go private (assuming they get in) or out of state (which will welcome you because you’re paying 50% more). This happened with one of my kids and it has cost me upwards of $60-70K at a minimum to go out of state.
Another path I see are kids who just opt out entirely. They go to that 5th or 6th tier school and are totally unmotivated. This doesn’t hit them early but it will have a long term impact on job prospects and their career arc. This one is actually becoming more common from what I hear.
To me, the real disconnect is happening in high school here in the US where we are still educating kids like it is 1950 (or 1850). Teachers are overworked and underpaid, and the administration is apathetic. All of that can easily combine for a couple of poor grades or missed expectations in extracurricular activities which in turn cut your opportunities when you apply for college. Sounds extreme but that is how it is today and it is why so many parents are overprotective to the point of being manic.
I think this is the reason for the childhood/teen mental health epidemic.
If you're not optimizing your child's life, they won't be competitive for jobs or college or whatever in the future.
It's exhausting.