Why are people so obsessed about it I have children? I'm married and we've decided we don't want to have kids. It really bothers me when people say "oh you're missing out, that's such a shame". Please think about what you are saying.
It doesn't matter if I'm gay, infertile, poor, depressed, or just don't want them. Please keep your judgements to yourself or even just stop judging others.
> It really bothers me when people say "oh you're missing out, that's such a shame"
Do you have any friends or relatives who refuse to try ramen or pho, no matter how many times you tell them that it's the best food ever, and that you also thought it seemed weird to put steak in a broth with noodles until you finally gave it a try and then you couldn't believe how delicious it was and you wish you'd tried it years earlier... but they still think it sounds gross?
People will hold up a plate of dog shit and tell me I'm missing out, it's not a good point at all. If you don't believe me, I've got some cousin NFTs you wouldn't want to miss out on.
I'm not sure what conclusion I'm supposed to be drawing here, because I don't at all consider it normal to keep hounding someone to try any meal after they've refused it a couple of times.
I have kids and I actively tell people not to have kids if you don't really really really want them. It's not a pleasant experience most of the time. You do you. I'm not judging you at all.
I have a kid, it's great most of the time. My theory is some people struggle with life, and if that's the case, having a child can increase the struggle.
Conversely, if someone enjoys life and things are going well, a child can often enrich it even further.
He has some issues with speech, but it's something he's working on with speech therapy. I don't mean to say that having a kid is easy. It's more akin to playing in interesting sport: hard work, rests are welcome, but it is fun.
I was listening to a professional rock climber talk about having kids. He described it as objectively bad, but the chemicals nature was pumping him full of were making him love his kids and be unable to picture life without them.
My wife spent 35 years of her life never wanting kids, and suddenly was 51% for trying to see if we could have a kid, with much trepidation.
It worked out, and almost every day, certainly every week, she says she's so thankful she changed her mind just enough that she could be a mom. It is nothing like she envisioned it.
We also have friends who didn't want kids and then regretted it, and my wife sees her self in those people. If circumstances were different, she feels like she would have missed out on one of the best things that ever happened to her.
So I think that's why some people are so enthusiastic.
If it isn't too forward, would you mind if I ask if you and your wife had more than a single child?
Me and my partner are in a similar situation as you and your wife before your first kid, with some complications added on top.
Those complications will make it near a certainty that we will only ever have a single child. And I worry sometimes if deciding to have a single kid is just me being selfish and wanting a family, rather than thinking about what would be best for the child (for instance having siblings).
Our situation would also mean no cousins from her side, and my siblings all have children in the late teens by now.
>And I worry sometimes if deciding to have a single kid is just me being selfish and wanting a family, rather than thinking about what would be best for the child (for instance having siblings).
I think this is an addressable issue. If you care about your child not being lonely, you could prioritize moving to an area that is family friendly, and/or prioritize making friends with some other families. We moved to an area with lots of parks in walking distance and there's almost always other kids playing there.
My son is 4 and an only child right now, but we regularly invite playmates and their parents over for dinner and a playdate for the kids. Almost every weekend my son and some another kid or two will be running around the house in the early evening while I cook some burgers and chat with the parents.
I mean, i also know tons of bad parent who judging by their actions don't seem like they enjoy being parents that much. You should only have children if you really want to have them and not because other people are doing it.
Whats the point of marriage then if being able you refuse kids? It's designed as a secure hub to build greater things like children bearing family. Why to subject yourself to lonely elderly life, tied to aging partner? Be like gay/bachelor people and enjoy hundreds of partners, why try to mimic family being afraid for full experience?
Assuming that you're not trolling:
1. Plenty of gay people have stable monogamous relationships/marriages.
2. Marriage isn't only for children. Marriage has legal and tax implications.
3. I like having a stable relationship, I don't like dating and switching partners. I like deeper connections with my partners.
Most gay marriages are non monogamous, so your point is ‘plenty’ misleading. Marriage is legally less beneficial for men in the us (divorce lawyer is paid by the men), and marriages don’t mean stable relationships. An emotional marriage is likely less stable than a cohabitation.
> Several research studies show that about 50% of gay male couples are monogamous and about 50% allow for sex outside of the relationship. The research finds no difference in the level of happiness or stability among these groups.
It doesn't matter if I'm gay, infertile, poor, depressed, or just don't want them. Please keep your judgements to yourself or even just stop judging others.