Sure, I get that. The key from my limited experience is to be open to work-adjacent outings. Going out to lunch, participating in some company event, or simply making the occasional comment in some casual chat channel. The "voice" won't be completely unmasked, but you start to see more points to jump into other than what deadlines are coming or ideas for the next feature.

I'll admit it's usually easier (or harder) for my industry to do this. I work in games, many people like and play games Obvious icebreaker: what kind of games do you play? Granted, games are super varied and it can lead nowhere if you play MMOs and the recipient plays FPSs, but it's more than what most can try to start out with. It also means there's a lot more non-devs on the floor to talk with too if you don't care to breath tech in and out of work.

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I do also need to echo the other reply that there are also, simply more and more people who aren't willing to try to socialize at work. You can't do much about that so don't spend your time talking to a wall if you can identify one.

I think one of my greatest professional gifts, especially since getting into tech, has been that I'm naturally personable and can get along well with pretty much anyone. It doesn't have to - and usually doesn't - get into personal stuff. I'm just sorta jokey and lighthearted while still getting my shit done. It has only been a benefit to me, personally and professionally.

I can't see how making people more comfortable talking to and collaborating with you could really be a negative, but everyone has different priorities I suppose.

> I can't understand how to make friends with people at work when it seems my colleagues and I are all putting on invented professional personalities.

Not everyone is or even wants to. You just have to earn enough trust for them to drop the mask, and sometimes that involves not wearing one yourself.