Eh, I’m gonna bite the bullet and give a quick answer, based on what’s I’ve seen growing up:
Basically you get answers like:
“Man up”
“Grow a pair”
“Boys don’t cry”
“Life is harsh, get used to it”
Last but not the least: “psychologists are for weak people with mental problems, not for you”.
Two more observations again based on my life experience:
1. Weakness is generally accepted in girls/women, largely acknowledged and supported. Can’t say the same for boys/men.
2. Often times I’ve been said the above phrases either by girls/women of my same age or by people like teachers/educators.
Basically you end up appearing weak, sometimes get mocked, and in general you’re better off shutting up and keeping stuff inside. Over the years I’ve developed quite a cynicism, that I acknowledge and that (sadly?) works fairly well.
I teach my son not cry.
I teach him how to conduct violence.
I teach him to treat people kindly, never equally.
We don't cry because we manage our emotions. We know words cannot physically harm us. If it's truth, acknowledge it. If it's a lie, it can be ignored and the liar pitied.
Teaching violence because it teaches respect, physical limits, and healthy lifestyle. We know how to be gentle because we are strong. We will kill bad guys. We will be good guys. Violence can lead to death. We love life and will protect it.
A child capable of this kind of violence needs to have their emotions in check. He gets hurt? Ask for a hug. Ask for advice how to win.
People aren't equal. We don't pretend. We don't go 100% against smaller or less trained. We don't expect everyone to behave as we do. We don't all value the same things. We can still be friends. We can ignore inequity. Sometimes we have more or can do more than others. We do not boast. Sometimes we have less. We do not whine or envy.
He is a man when he no longer has to obey me when he tells me he can be responsible for himself. Until then I get to discipline him and limit his freedom. We explore freedom along with the responsibility.
> We don't cry because we manage our emotions. We know words cannot physically harm us.
Words can absolutely physically harm you. Have you ever felt your heart beating fast when someone says something that upsets you? At some point that might become a heart attack.
Basically you get answers like:
“Man up”
“Grow a pair”
“Boys don’t cry”
“Life is harsh, get used to it”
Last but not the least: “psychologists are for weak people with mental problems, not for you”.
Two more observations again based on my life experience:
1. Weakness is generally accepted in girls/women, largely acknowledged and supported. Can’t say the same for boys/men.
2. Often times I’ve been said the above phrases either by girls/women of my same age or by people like teachers/educators.
Basically you end up appearing weak, sometimes get mocked, and in general you’re better off shutting up and keeping stuff inside. Over the years I’ve developed quite a cynicism, that I acknowledge and that (sadly?) works fairly well.