I know you're joking, but it's not the fault of emacs that the de facto PC keyboard layout has the control key in a stupid position.
If you've been a heavy user of emacs (or any tool that requires a lot of control key sequences) for any amount of time, you've likely already remapped it.
I use a Kinesis Advantage keyboard which has a cluster of keys positioned for the left thumb to use where I have important modifier keys (control, meta/option, command) mapped. Besides being fast, I can hack all day and my hands/wrists/forearms don't hurt.
If you've been a heavy user of emacs (or any tool that requires a lot of control key sequences) for any amount of time, you've likely already remapped it.
I use a Kinesis Advantage keyboard which has a cluster of keys positioned for the left thumb to use where I have important modifier keys (control, meta/option, command) mapped. Besides being fast, I can hack all day and my hands/wrists/forearms don't hurt.