Not quite in my 60s just yet, but close. Anyway:

Work: find your niche. Accept that you're not going to be a hotshot coder/consultant/whatever forever. However, outside of 'fashionable tech' there is an entire world where you can make a comfortable living and nobody cares about your age. That doesn't mean you can stop learning: remaining up-to-date on relevant skills is important, but 'relevant' does a lot of heavy lifting there. Be knowledgeable/reliable instead of trendy.

Leisure: don't put off things you truly want to do until some unspecified later date. You might not make it (see 'health' below). Find at least one activity to enjoy on at least a weekly basis, travel (even if it's close to home), go for walks, spend time with your loved ones.

Health: everything truly and rapidly gets worse once you're 50. Stop smoking now, stop drinking now (or at least moderate a lot), talk to a doctor on a regular basis, take care of your teeth (really).

(That last paragraph is awfully generic, but until such time that we invent time machines, a very important one...)

Everything you wrote is wonderful, but I wanted to expand on this:

> Accept that you're not going to be a hotshot coder/consultant/whatever forever.

I would add that it's likely that you won't even want to be a hotshot whatever forever. Getting older is like every other change in the stages of life. Some doors close, some doors open, but mostly -- what you enjoy and want out of life changes. Embrace that, and don't keep chasing the things you wanted in youth purely out of habit.

I am in my thirties and had this exact realization recently.

It’s so true. There were things I imagined myself becoming or doing when I was younger. I never got to them but also had nagging feelings about them every once in awhile.

Once I let go, it was liberating. I now pick a few things I go deep into and other things will just have to wait or may never happen, and I am okay with that.

This should probably be enshrined on tablets somewhere.

I too am worried about either moving into management or starting my own company or something else because there’s no way I’m going to be a worthwhile IC into my 50s. I need to do something more.

I sure hope I have a big exit sometime before 60 (20 years from now), because the cost of living in the Bay Area is crazy. It would be awful to work as a "well paid" (but most of it goes to living expenses and raising kids) software engineer for many years, and then need to retire in some rural area on social security, with bare minimum quality of life...

Hoping for a big exit is about like those hoping to retire from winning the lottery.

Only 1 out of 10 companies “succeed” and that definition of success is the VCs make their money back.

Better idea, leave the Bay Area.

Rural area isn't bad if you find the right place, hobbies and a proper house. Lots of opportunities for outdoor activities, such as gardening and trekking, which also help keep you healthy.

You should be able to sell your Bay Area house for millions by then.

Bay Area life is hardly necessary and shouldn’t be taken as a given. You’re making an active decision to take the gamble on earning a lot on paper but being in a super HCOL area. I earn a comfortable amount and am likely going to retire comfortably, though I certainly earn less than you. You’ve decided to take the risk. Own it or change.

I'm not really sure there are other good options. Sure, high cost of living, but high income. Moving would reduce both, and in any case the different in savings would be insignificant compared to inherited assets.

Some people do like coding until retirement and are / were quite happy about it. (Recommended reading is thecodist.com - who recently started blogging again!)

I'm 47 and although currently feeling a little burnt out (I've been here before. I'll be finishing my current contract in a few weeks for a well earned break), I know I love coding and pretty sure I always will having spent the last 40 years coding. I've done a bit of management, led teams etc, and I'm actually pretty good but I can't get excited about it. Maybe in 10 years I'll feel differently but I know I'm still a coder because I want to be not because I fear doing something different.

If you want to change your path and you feel fear then that's probably what you should be doing. A little fear/excitement keeps the motivation.

Thanks for the blog suggestion - didn't know that one. In the topic of getting old, just bought a couple split keyboards to solve some wrist issues.

Why not? I’ll be 50 next year and I’m very much an IC.

> I too am worried about either moving into management or starting my own company or something else because there’s no way I’m going to be a worthwhile IC into my 50s

I'm curious why you say this.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up but also worried I might not be able to compete with the young guns and make the kind of money I’ll need to put away so I don’t retire destitute.

I'm only 35 so I'm comparatively young but still older than a lot of my colleagues... I probably do not have the same energy or drive I used to, especially having a young kid at home, but I think in a lot of ways that's compensated for by having more experience to draw on. My hope is that holds up in the future.

There's nothing inherent about getting older that will keep you from being able to keep up with the young guns. It's just a matter of interest, as it is at any age.

How do you niche down would be my question here.

I am 40 next year and have missed the opportunity to niche down - I work as Tech Product Manager and enjoy my job but find very little opportunity to really focus on something I truly enjoyed. Either the startup run out of money, the project in the large org got cancelled or there was simply not product role available.

I'd be glad to know if somebody has an advice on how to niche down (technology, domain, personality, branding etc.) Thank you

For me the biggest factor has been understanding how the hedonistic trap limited my options.

It works like this: you start a new job with a nice big bump in salary. You buy a new car, go to fancier restaurants, take dates to "in places", move into a nicer apartment. With each increment of income, expenses increase. Pretty soon you are trapped in an awful job but the pay is too good and you have no savings.

Getting off the hedonistic treadmill is very painful. But there's more to life than staring at computer screens and putting up with shitty bosses.

I've been living a comfortable life, but well below my means. I could have a bigger house, a bigger car, travel more. The reasons I don't do that are exactly that I do not want to be "forced" to continue working (even if I currently enjoy working, I know I won't forever) well into old age, and I have realistic hope that I will be able to retire within a few more years (I am in my early 40's now). I may continue "working" on something, as I do think I will continue to enjoy building things, but I want to do that on my own terms, from wherever I feel like.

With a motivation like that, I found it very easy to "jump off the hedonistic treadmill". But I was never one to give high importance to showing off wealth or status. Those things have very little importance to me as in my view, all they can give me are superficial "highs" of feeling superior, but then I immediately remember that the desire to feel superior itself needs to be suppressed as it is not just evil when taken to the extreme, but also is a never ending race where there's no winner and no real satisfaction.

The grass is always greener.

The flip side of this is you save/invest a lot, thinking it will get you to passive income, and the overspending masses vote a new tax raise on the "rich" only for your delayed gratification to never come true.

Case in point, those who paid off their student debt are in the minority. Those who don't vote for student debt forgiveness. The minority did the "right thing" by paying it off and lose out on gratification.

Be careful overfitting as if the rules of the game can't be rewritten to your detriment at any given moment by the dumbest 51% of the population.

I actually managed to get off the treadmill during the Pandemic. During the slowdown of the initial forced WFH I found out that I don't actually need anything else.

Yes, a bigger house with a bigger yard, a better car etc. would be nice.

...but I have everything I need that costs under 10k€. There are a few bits I could upgrade, but I'd have to pay a 50-100% premium for under 10% quality improvement, so not really worth it in my book.

I am 27 and I feel like I am at that stage of my life. Only recently I started becoming self aware of my hedonism way of living. I get that high from getting the next shiny thing and after a week, I start seeking the next material thing I want to get. I feel lost and unfulfilled

A typo has misled you, hedonism and the hedonic treadmill are separate concepts: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill

Another way to look at it is how much money can you set aside for any situation. Be it SV but living in a tiny apartment or elsewhere, make sure to save money no matter what so you can always have the freedom to move out of a bad situation

Exactly. When I realised a $4 coffee is actually $14 dollars in todays money if I put it in a boring index tracker and leave it 30 years until I’d need to spend it, that was a massive mental switch in my head. I’m always aware of balancing hedonism/asceticism.

Yeah I think balancing is importanr. You don't want to die at 60, the first day of your retirement, after living 100% ascetically your entire life. It would be too risky of an investment. I think something 20/80 (20 spending) is roughly a good idea.

While that is true, I think it's also important to focus on the $100k ticket items and not worry about the $4 things in life. Getting a promotion has impacted my life more than any amount of frugality has. Also investing in low cost indexing is a huge win!

I’ll be 50 next year so I’m right in the middle.

Short version: after Covid, we realized we didn’t care about “stuff” and we wanted “experiences”.

After Covid lifted, even though it didn’t affect anyone fatally in my immediate or extended circle fatally. It did make me change my perspective and priorities.

In June 2020, my youngest (step)son graduated from high school and decided to work and not go to college. I made it clear to him and his mom since he was 9 (when we first got engaged) that I would find a way for him to college. For all intents and purposes they were my “sons”. I had planned to cash flow his college expenses. But after asking him repeatedly, he assured us he didn’t want to go.

The same month at 46, I fell into a fully remote role at $BigTech and assigned to a virtual office that meant a significant pay increase.

In 2022 my wife and I both decided we wanted to move to Orlando for a change of pace and decent weather all year.

We found what we thought was a nice condo and learned it was a unit in a condotel. An arrangement where we own the condo unit. But could only stay there 6 months out of the year. The rest of the year it was rented out like a room in a hotel and we got half the proceeds.

My wife then had the brilliant idea of us “nomadding” for the other 6 months (actually 7 from March through October).

We sold our cars and now we take Uber everywhere when we are traveling and use SixT and do monthly rentals when we are home. We fly from city to city in the US and stay in midrange hotels.

Everything we physically own that’s not real estate fits in four suitcases. It would be three. But I have one packed with my “business clothes” for the occasional corporate trip

My wife is deep in the fitness industry and before we go to a new city, she reaches out to instructors in that area to take and guest teach classes.

When we are “home” we pay one fee that covers all utilities, internet, access to a gym, a lake, and multiple large pools, three restaurants and a convenience store onsite.

We threw out everything and downsized from a 3200 square foot house in the burbs of Atlanta to a 1300 square foot condo that was the same price in 2022 that our house was in 2016. We rent our house out to our son and two friends

A healthy man wants many things. A sick man only wants one thing.

Take care of your health!

Great quote. Tolstoi - Death Of Ivan Ilyich. (Modeled after a successful lawyer, I hear.)

my two cents, even if I am not 60 but nearly. Do not underestimate the role of chance and fortune in all the decision you made. Don't even think for a moment that all the efforts you put in your job/career, relations and to stay health will somehow led to a positive (for you) outcome. The mantra "if you dream of it you can have it" leave to the posters because it's totally wrong and it can bring you to mental problems if you embrace it. I know it sound depressing but I see lots of people at my age (55) that are nearly broken because for example they sacrifice everything for their careers and goals and now that they don't get what they want are a complete mess. On the same way I see woman that sacrifice they own being for the children and now that they children as grown and do not care so much about their parent are loosed in a life without meaning for them.

There is a simple way to counter this effect - focus on road, not on the destination. If you enjoy what you are doing, you won't get disappointed even if it doesn't work out in a long run for different reasons.

Imagine yourself in your 60s. What would you tell yourself now? Be honest.

A mental fabrication like “you are 65” can unlock thought pathways that you have subconsciously blocked.

Call your Mom, Today.

Well, tomorrow is Mother's Day, anyway.

Cool, did not know that as I am in Ireland and we have different dates but as a general piece of advice for those in their 40’s I would recommend making the effort to keep in touch with your parents. Equally if you have teenagers, remember this phase will pass so try and stay connected with them because pretty much the only thing that matters are the small few people you really care about.

Unless those parents are harmful or abusive. But yes, identify those who care for you and care for them back. Such people are very, truly rare.

Haha I would but my mom is an toxic and abusive pain killer addict so I think I'll pass! But if your mom is nice yes you should call her!

Treat your partner well, you got some daunting times ahead of you as a team.

Your children will (need to) leave the house. Prepare and assist them.

Your family home will be oversized, if you can, pass it to one of the kids who needs it most.

Moderate your financial fix costs.

Get your car / bike / sailing / paragliding licence now.

You are still a player in the "looking for a partner" market, go for it now or forget about it completely.

> Treat your partner well

Be really leery of anything that builds resentment. It's an insidious relationship poison.

My dad found the love of his life at around 68yo. In the last 5 years I've seen him happier love-related than ever.

So I dont think your snippet about that is necessarily accurate.

Max out contributions to your 401k, IRA, Roth IRA, and HSA accounts.

That actually assumes quite a high income unless you’re just telling 40 somethings to live very austere.

401k often comes with employer contributions, as well as your contribution is tax deductible. If you do only one, that's it.

The IRA and the HSA are also tax deductible.

Spend your health care expenses with the HSA, making them cheaper for you.

I'm not a tax accountant, and if you want accurate advice consult with a CPA.

The 401k limit doesn't include money your employers match - so if they contribute $10k you can still put in $22.5k (2023)

Yes and if you’re assuming that’s less than a quarter of the persons income then that’s an income north of 90k. That’s actually far above statistically important incomes even if it doesn’t sound like much to this crowd. Just looking to add some context.

And simply telling such people to go find better paying work is also clearly not going to work for everyone.

Context is important. I suppose I’d rather suggest that people be saving, sure, and doing everything they can to live below their means-knowing full well that’s still a high bar. Things like having roommates, always driving a paid off used car (10-20 years old), not having a car, etc. Manage the ego against hoping on the hedonic treadmill, as others pointed out.

A still better solution would be treating each other better and demanding it from our institutions and representatives. Doesn’t mean everyone should live like a king, but we can do better than the current.

I wasn't trying to make any larger point about income inequality - just saying that employer matches do not contribute to your individual 401k limits :)

America's poor live better than medieval kings.

All my investments are in stocks. People tell me "what if the stock market goes to zero?" Well, then I'd lose everything. But consider this - if the stock market goes to zero, so does the bond market, so does the real estate market, so do hog futures, your NFTs, your collector car, etc.

The only thing that goes up is ammunition.

So sure, it could happen, but I'm not going to diversify, because that won't work, either.

This is a good way to frame it. The stock market going to zero means everybody has stopped valuing companies, and presumably the companies themselves are not creating value anyone can buy into.

That puts us back to pre-industrial planet. Is that going to happen in this generation? I wouldn't worry too much about the stock market disappearing and taking all your money with it then.

Diversifying mainly means not putting all your wealth into one industry. It doesn't mean "Don't rely on stocks" or whatever.

If you only have one ship and it goes down, you go down with the ship. If you have a fleet, you can stay afloat. If you manage your fleet like a battalion, you just might win the battle. Ships won't suddenly cease to exist.

People definitely use the word “diversify” to include things like real estate or gold, not just stocks in different industries.

We can also look at some major historical disruptions that did NOT drive all stocks to zero, and then think what would have to happen worse than that.

The only way it makes sense NOT to save for retirement is if your current utilization of the money is better than all or most possible retirement outcomes (paying down very high interest debt may apply, for example).

You can also save for retirement in other balanced ways, such as saving into a "mortgage payoff" fund; if the government has collapsed to the point where land is being seized, well, hope you invested in lead.

Nah, you're wrong. Japan's stock market dropped 90%. For 15 years straight, and never recovered above 80% of it's peak. US is only "special" until it isn't.

This didn't mean society collapsed and they started living in a Mad Max universe as people defending "stocks can't go to zero" argue.

Stocks industry is just a massive gambling machine. It can and will wipe out all your capital in completely unpredictable ways.

Buy real estate, own land, even keep money in the bank, with all inflation and shit they're much safer than in the cesspool scam that the stock market is.

You should probably not stop with the discussion of Japan at that point. They have a central bank pushing hard against the trend. Further, you’re still arguing from a limited point of view as keeping all investments in Japan wouldn’t be diversified.

Japan is a bit tricky to analyze because they tend to have higher dividends than US stocks. And yes even though their total returns have been bad the point is you wouldn't lose all your savings. (Though you certainly would have been better putting your money elsewhere)

It's very interesting, thank you. Retrospectively what alternatives to the stock market (aside from stock markets outside the country) would be a good investment in just-before-the-crash Japan?

Well, you never know it's gonna be a crash so there's never "just before crash".

But definitely "never keep all your eggs in one basket". At most a quarter of all your net worth in stocks and that only if you enjoy having heart palpitations and have mentally resigned to kissing good bye to that capital. Stocks is gambling, advising someone to "invest" is same as "go gamble your money in Vegas". Would you still put your hard earned money in it if you realized what a sham the stock market is?

Real estate, land, ca$h in the bank. Stay out of gambling. But of course the establishment will never give you the last part.

If the stock market goes to _zero_, your money won’t be a problem worth thinking about. This would probably mean anarchy and other pressing issues to deal with

They've been saying that since I was a kid. Every generation seems to think there's is the one that runs out of money and the world runs amok.

It doesn't mean this one won't be the one. But I think one can build up their wealth without the paranoia baggage from generations prior.

A more positive spin on this, is to remember not to keep all your eggs in one basket. Things do fail, so therefor your wealth should not be in one thing either.

One thing you should never do is get into the mindset that "Ah, everything's gonna fail anyway" and then completely fail to prepare for a comfortable retirement, and all the (often expensive) things that will happen between today and your last day.

No climate model predicts broad, capitalism-ending economic shock within the next 20 years.

Exercise more, sleep hygiene and eat and drink less.

Take care of your health. Think about how you want to retire.

I like the advice provided by Jack Ma.

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/01/30/jack-ma-dont-fear-making-mis...

At 40, I'm just doing what I'm good at, learning things that interest me here and there. But my main dedication is to my health and wellbeing. I changed jobs to WFH and stopped being a manager/VP to return to be an IC in something I like that is low pressure.

Because I've loved the thrill of startups, I do tech Advisorship for new startups, particularly for people that want to do something tech, but have no clue how to start. I charge in equity only, which makes it thrilling for me.

I've read a lot of these - generally it's that money matters less than family, it's never too late, success is steady action over a distance instead of one huge burst, and that your health matters more than you can imagine.

- The amount of calories you need after 50 drops almost in half. You slowly become allergic to many foods. Regulate your diet better. - Use it or lose it. That means the ability to climb stairs, walk, run, pushups, jumping jacks, but also play an instrument, type, write, do math. Go out of your way to keep doing these things. Get a personal trainer if you can afford it. - Travel as much as you can now. It's more fun when you're young. Money spent now is worth more than money spent later in more ways than one. - For your career, find your masterpiece, something only you can do that will either live beyond you or perhaps help many others. You may need to take some risks to find it, if you don't do that in your 40s it might be too late in your 50s. - You can't time the market, but start saving now for your kids college or retirement. Just take the money out of your paycheck if you can and pretend like you never got it ... your living standard tends to expand to your income. - If you don't have one, find a partner. It gets harder to find one after 40, and after 50 you may stop caring. It takes two.

> Money spent now is worth more than money spent later in more ways than one.

This is so true, thank you for expressing this thought so concisely. In my language (Bulgarian) there's a saying "whatever you eat and drink now, nobody can take away from you", which has a similar sentiment, but also acknowledges the risk of unforeseen future circumstances - nobody can predict if there's going to be another pandemic, economy crisis, war - when calculating future gains one needs to also take the risk of those into account.

> Money spent now is worth more than money spent later in more ways than one.

On the other hand, money saved & invested now will (quite literally) be worth more than money saved later.

The older you get the less time remaining for investments to compound (or rectify, if there's a downturn). The probability that it's worth delaying gratification declines because the future value is lower, and the odds of you seeing that future is also much lower . The odds of you dying this year doubles from 30-50, and doubles again from 50-60. That information means you should gradually save less and start doing more of your top bucket list items by (before) 50.

https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html

Both of these statements are true. Getting the right balance is something I struggle with. I am glad I traveled when I was younger. I couldn't repeat the same trips today. However, getting my BMW detailed at 24 was a waste, though it would be a waste today too.

>You slowly become allergic to many foods.

You got a source on that?

Just observing myself and my friends and family. It makes sense, that repeated exposure causes more allergic reactions as my immune system is exposed to more and more allergens, and gets more incoherent.

Not 60, but trying to somewhat predict where I will be at that time... As a non-native English speaker I used to say:

20 years ago I knew that if I wanted to have a great career today, I had to learn English. Today, if I want to have a great career 20 years from now, I should learn Chinese.

(since then I left the telco bubble, maybe other parts of the tech industry are not that Chinese-heavy)

People said the same 20 years ago and it‘s not going to happen for many reasons.

- The language of science remains English.

- Only a small part of the Asian countries has languages with a similar structure. Meanwhile, North and South America, Europe, Australia, Russia and India are within the Indo-Germanic language family.

- English has both simple grammar and a simple alphabet. To succeed a language also has to be easy to adopt.

- China is getting more important, but the sum of western countries also will be

*Indo-European

Also the language of science remains English because still the west is the most prevalent economy. As history has shown, science follows the strong economies. Let's see how that plays out, if we manage to not implode, because we sure are heading there right now.

As much as I hate American foreign policy and large parts of the culture as well, it sure as hell beats Chinese.

It's quite much possibly my (previous) bubble.

> The language of science remains English.

While I agree with you, born and raised in the Eastern block, they also had their common blanket statements. Looking from the other side, they turned out to be wrong.

I'll keep an open mind, in case I'm again on some other sides.

40? It's not too late to learn new skills. You have the advantage of having already learned other ones, and probably 20+ years experience working. You can learn something new, especially as an "add-on".

Advice in how to age with grace