Hey, OP here. The abuse you experienced was terrifying. I'm really sorry that you went through it. I am glad you got out.
In my case, I feel comfortable trying to make amends with my dad because 1.) I feel pretty certain about my boundaries and 2.) I think he actually wants to improve. But he didn't want to improve until I had shown him firsthand that I could completely cut him off without looking back.
I think there are many parents who, even if are backed into a corner and given chances to improve, will not. It sounds like your stepfather is one of them. I wonder what his childhood was like, and what pains that he endured, in order to treat you so terribly.
I think what matters most for any individual person is getting ourselves to a state where we feel okay and happy about ourselves. How that process unfolds depends on the person.
I didn't understand this comment and I realized that I was missing some context. So I finished the article. Please know that I was not, in any way, trying to tell you that your father's apology is hollow and you should turn 180° and run. I was just venting and sharing my experience with my step father.
I don't know how to interpret your father's apology, but I do know how I would interpret my step father's (if he ever got around to giving one, he's a textbook narcissist). I'd never accept it because he will never truly feel sorry for his actions. He will apologize because he'll need something from me and this would be the only way to get it. Or to build his public image of being extremely pious, true, dedicated, sacrificing father. I will turn 180° and run.
In my case, I feel comfortable trying to make amends with my dad because 1.) I feel pretty certain about my boundaries and 2.) I think he actually wants to improve. But he didn't want to improve until I had shown him firsthand that I could completely cut him off without looking back.
I think there are many parents who, even if are backed into a corner and given chances to improve, will not. It sounds like your stepfather is one of them. I wonder what his childhood was like, and what pains that he endured, in order to treat you so terribly.
I think what matters most for any individual person is getting ourselves to a state where we feel okay and happy about ourselves. How that process unfolds depends on the person.
Take care.