But both TCP connections are to localhost so, you get 64K MTU unlike 1500/9000 over a network connection. Also, blocking / polling will be much quicker locally (in the order of microseconds not milliseconds minimum for over the Internet).
And lastly you can host it on port 443 so it will look similar to a HTTP connection externally.
It is every bit as bad. QUIC streams could map nicely to the SSH model of discrete channels. Sure, you can run it over tcp/443 and have it look like a normal TLS connection to anything that isn't monitoring the traffic patterns, but it's effectively just adding a TLS pipe which only achieves the use of QUIC's congestion control algorithm and handshake but nothing else. I would love to see an SSH implementation which uses QUIC correctly; this isn't it.
MOSH already exists, and it is a proper ssh-like protocol over UDP that takes advantage of the properties of UDP. It's great for use when traveling and being forced to use horrible high latency wireless connections.
MOSH is really a on-purpose "horrible SSH" as far as SSH goes, but it is instead intended to be what you actually need for remote, unstable, unreliable slow connections: a somewhat reponsive experience, a kinda of remote desktop protocol but for terminals, you only send the input and output deltas; you intentionally don't block waiting at any side for precise confirmation of every single byte in or out of a remote terminal.
And lastly you can host it on port 443 so it will look similar to a HTTP connection externally.
It's not anywhere near as bad as you conjecture.