I get it that the person who wrote this is angry, but not a single real commentary in there. And not "(seriously)". At least provide more arguments, compare their The Rules with those of other awards, and please, give a more extended explanation of why you think all the things you mentioned are bad.

"I’m glad I got in free because I’m a journalist."

Wow... that definition is painted pretty broadly these days, isn't it? Almost every paragraph had a meme. Very mature.

Exactly what I was thinking.

"But major props to that chick with the long white dress with flowers and shit. You are so cool. and so hot. ;)"

" downstairs is just where the noobs hung out whooooops"

Journalism? I've heard of it.