There was an HN thread a month or two ago about parenting books. One poster recommended "How To Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Children Will Talk" and it describes this theme very well as "natural consequences."
The book points out that when someone (like your child) does wrong by you, they know it, and you punishing them for it just "pays up the balance." And since the slate is clean, they just pay for the next mistake the same way. Without learning anything.
The correct response (and the response you show with your partner) is to let them experience the natural consequences. You trusted her with something, she couldn't follow through, so it would be totally reasonable not to let her do it in the future. But she did right by you in the end (as a natural consequence) and you both feel vindicated as a result. You see she really cares and she sees you're patient with her mistakes. I think it's a powerful concept that encourages being non-judgemental while still asserting your own desires.
Hah, you caught me. I actually worked part time at k-5 afterschool program for 3 years during my first run at college. Nothing will teach you patience like working with young children, and I definitely recycle a lot of the stuff they taught us for interacting with children in dealing with my personal/work relationships.
The book points out that when someone (like your child) does wrong by you, they know it, and you punishing them for it just "pays up the balance." And since the slate is clean, they just pay for the next mistake the same way. Without learning anything.
The correct response (and the response you show with your partner) is to let them experience the natural consequences. You trusted her with something, she couldn't follow through, so it would be totally reasonable not to let her do it in the future. But she did right by you in the end (as a natural consequence) and you both feel vindicated as a result. You see she really cares and she sees you're patient with her mistakes. I think it's a powerful concept that encourages being non-judgemental while still asserting your own desires.