Never think of yourself as wrong, invalid, defective or unworthy. That's wrong. Don't do it.
For about 90 % of my life I've thought about myself as defective in many ways.
- In puberty I thought I was defective because other boys were talking about their crushes, how they'd like to f--- this girl or that girl or how they got a boner just looking at them. Later almost everyone got a girlfriend or two. None of that happened for me, so I felt defective. Turns out I'm gay.
- Also in puberty I'd get random boners when sitting down in the bus. It made me feel ashamed and like a pervert, so I stopped sitting down in public transit. Turns out many boys experience this in puberty because, well... the vibrations. They're called "bus boners".
- I always struggled a lot remembering faces and names. I felt bad about it because I thought it meant I didn't care or try enough. I've always had issues forming relationships and again I felt bad and thought I just had to try harder and make a better effort, which didn't work. And various other issues, and for each of them I thought it was a defect of myself. Turns out I'm on the spectrum and my parents didn't bother telling me about being diagnosed as a child. I only found out when bored me stumbled over online autism tests and literally all of them came out strongly autistic-neurodivergent.
Yes, knowing and understanding that you're not alone in your feelings and experiences is super important too.
Another piece is understanding your body's feelings and your emotions. Many people aren't taught how to understand their feelings and emotions, especially men. This is NOT automatic. It is not difficult, but it can be very hard and unpleasant. Everyone needs to be taught how to process emotions, emotionally healthy people are taught this as children.
But to balance this a bit.
You, as a person, are never wrong, but you are still accountable for your actions/words. This is an important distinction to keep in mind.
HealthyGamer_gg is a great YouTube channel for getting started. I'm unsure of his coaching services; he's trying something very hard to scale, so I'd be wary.
However, his knowledge and prepared materials are great, though they seem to be aimed at an extremely jaded and cynical audience.
Therapist Explains Why You Don't Feel Anything Anymore... (Alexithymia 101)
[1] is great entry point.
Another fantastic resource is The power of vulnerability[2].
Never think of yourself as wrong, invalid, defective or unworthy. That's wrong. Don't do it.
For about 90 % of my life I've thought about myself as defective in many ways.
- In puberty I thought I was defective because other boys were talking about their crushes, how they'd like to f--- this girl or that girl or how they got a boner just looking at them. Later almost everyone got a girlfriend or two. None of that happened for me, so I felt defective. Turns out I'm gay.
- Also in puberty I'd get random boners when sitting down in the bus. It made me feel ashamed and like a pervert, so I stopped sitting down in public transit. Turns out many boys experience this in puberty because, well... the vibrations. They're called "bus boners".
- I always struggled a lot remembering faces and names. I felt bad about it because I thought it meant I didn't care or try enough. I've always had issues forming relationships and again I felt bad and thought I just had to try harder and make a better effort, which didn't work. And various other issues, and for each of them I thought it was a defect of myself. Turns out I'm on the spectrum and my parents didn't bother telling me about being diagnosed as a child. I only found out when bored me stumbled over online autism tests and literally all of them came out strongly autistic-neurodivergent.