Does anyone have any recommendations for books/courses for improving verbal communication? Not talking about pubic speaking, like toastmasters, but improving your ability to do things like mentioned by OP?
I feel like there's lots of stuff about this on writing but less related to verbal communication.
Many here on HN get PTSD with the last one, but ignore them - everyone I've engaged in on HN that criticizes the book hasn't read it (the book actually agrees with their talking points!) However, I will say that there is a cult-like following the book has (NVC chapters in various cities, etc), and would recommend you read the book and avoid the cult. The latter often adds stuff that is not in the book.
From my experience, merely reading wasn't enough. I took notes from the books, and compared the content across all three before it all really started clicking.
And expect it to take years to change your communication style. Don't give up, though. I'm nowhere near where I want to be but I am better. Even though it's hard for me to change, it is easy to recognize when others are practicing it, and I can witness first hand how well it works. Most of these people have not read the books, which in a sense speaks to the universality of the approach.
How do you know what your communication style is and how do you know you're actually making changes to your style? Do you record some of your conversations and study them later?
I ask this because, based on empirical evidence have a communication style that turns people off. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I've thought about recording conversations. Video would be far better because undoubtedly there are body language issues too.
These books have examples of poor communications and why things can go wrong with them. For me it was simply a matter of reading the examples and saying "Yup, I do this" or "Yup, my boss/coworker does this."
Once you somewhat internalize the advice in the book, it's not hard to look at a conversation you had earlier in the day and start itemizing the "mistakes" you made. The hard part is to catch them live before they happen.
A word of caution: Don't assume that just because people are turned off that the problem is you. I thought that way and after reading the book, I found out that about half of them were my problem, half with the other parties - and the important message wasn't that I should change my style, but that I should learn to handle it when the other party takes something I said poorly, and help them articulate what is bothering them.
I feel like there's lots of stuff about this on writing but less related to verbal communication.