As another Zoomer, I just wanted to say how well you’ve captured the experience I’ve also had of growing confusion/discouragement when it comes to how to approach relationships — especially now that I’m out of college, and not able to draw on any of the social power of that environment. I feel like I keep running into walls of “Maybe this is the thing…” only to be flooded with reasons why it absolutely isn’t the thing.
I suppose the first answer most people would give is “stop listening to Reddit,” but that still leaves me with the question of, well, then what?
What I do, with the caveat that while I am doing this I've had mediocre results from it so far, is find where the people you'd like to meet tend to hang out, go there, and start building positive relationships. You can politely express romantic interest, so long you respect the other person's space/right to not be interested you're generally doing a positive thing, I think.
To illustrate that last point, I am hetero male. I've had gay guys tell me they thought I was cute, I told them politely I wasn't interested, but appreciated the compliment. I believe this generalizes.
As an example of the first point, I tend to like fit girls, so I go train Olympic weightlifting and do acroyoga. I also like artsy girls, so I go party at places where they tend to congregate (certain 'alternative/queer' or 'techno/EDM' nightlife venues, generally).
Also, I've gotten laid off random outfit compliments - e.g. "I like your blouse" when the girl was wearing a nice blouse and I walked by her on the street.
I suppose the first answer most people would give is “stop listening to Reddit,” but that still leaves me with the question of, well, then what?