Nice that you can step out of the frame and see your motivations. I write this because I think that your self knowledge is virtuous and like a moth to a flame I am drawn to the good. By identifying with the good or ingesting it like knowledge candy - I can come closer to this platonic concept that my nervous system so craves.

I can no more step outside of my own seeking than a wave can stand up from the ocean and make its way in land.

Pointless. All of it.