At the end of the day we're all monkeys who have been biologically incentivized, since the first cell to ever exist, to survive long enough to pass on our genes.
As Dawkins covers in The Selfish Gene, sometimes this can manifest in abstract ways, like helping pass your genes by supporting your nieces age nephews (or even more abstractly, helping humans in general live on). You haven't mentioned anything in your life that is involved in helping create the next generation of humans.
In fact, you've mainly mentioned your journey has been materialistic, and even your solutions seem related to chemicals. Maybe the game you're even trying to play is what's inherently depressing.
My advice would be to a part of the world where people are suffering and try to help them, that'd likely give you the fulfilment and perspective you need.
There are people suffering everywhere, no matter where you are in the world, you never need to travel far to find people who are way worse off than you.
As Dawkins covers in The Selfish Gene, sometimes this can manifest in abstract ways, like helping pass your genes by supporting your nieces age nephews (or even more abstractly, helping humans in general live on). You haven't mentioned anything in your life that is involved in helping create the next generation of humans.
In fact, you've mainly mentioned your journey has been materialistic, and even your solutions seem related to chemicals. Maybe the game you're even trying to play is what's inherently depressing.
My advice would be to a part of the world where people are suffering and try to help them, that'd likely give you the fulfilment and perspective you need.