Think about it like this: "employer-mandated fun creates opportunities for me to expand my network and connections which help me make more money. As an added bonus, I might as well enjoy it."
At my last job, we had a 2 day off-site on an island that in all honesty was a lot of fun.
What wasn't fun was the month of extreme anxiety (I have social anxiety) and sleepless nights that led up to it. Up to the moment of departure I fantasised about "accidentally" oversleeping and missing the coach.
It's pretty hard to assess (at least for me) whether the upside (fun) was outweighed by the downsides (prolonged feelings of anxiety). In all honesty, I bonded more with colleagues on typical Friday nights at the pub (yeah alcohol, but plenty didn't drink).
Sincere question - now that you had been through that month of anxiety and then enjoyed the event, would you have the same amount of anxiety next time around or does the repeat experience help it abate?
In my life, I found that "diving into" the anxiety repeatedly helps prove to me (both logically and emotionally) that it's actually fine and reduces anxiety over time. So for me, the experience you describe is valuable because it contributes to overall "liberation" but it may not be that way for everyone.
Erm, so we're mandating what people should do now? Yours seems to be a rather black/white view of such events, when (since it involves humans) it's on a spectrum:
There are people who do not want to spend their time with their work colleagues.
There are people who do not want to be forced to spend with their work colleagues.
There are people who dislike that unless you spend time with their work colleagues in corporate sponsored events you will be sidelines.
And that's assuming that the corporate event is good at all. Which, quite frankly, most aren't.
>> Erm, so we're mandating what people should do now?
I am just a guy on the internet but I've been around the block so I share what I truly believe is the best advice.
>> unless you spend time with their work colleagues in corporate sponsored events you will be sidelines.
That's a naïve view. People don't sit in a conference room saying "ftoscano didn't come to the bar last night, let's ostracize him" - it's just that the more opportunities to bond with your team that you pass up, the worse your communication with them is (compared to what it could have been if you invested in it) which legitimately makes you less impactful at work.
>> And that's assuming that the corporate event is good at all. Which, quite frankly, most aren't.
Debatable but not the point. The point is that these things already exist and they are opportunities for you to build up your career (and maybe even allow yourself to have fun.) You can chose to hate it and not participate but like I said, that's strictly worse for you so why adopt that attitude?
I don't mean to insult but I think your view is pretty naïve in its own way. You see the rapport built from going to the bar as an advantage that you shouldn't pass up on. In your example where failing to go to the bar makes you less impactful at work, I see a team that is doing a shitty job at team building, which will probably harm their chances of success. The blame for that can go in any and all directions, it's on everyone.
If every potential detractor involved just says to themselves "this is what everyone else likes, so I'll fix my attitude and head to the bar", you can end up with several of them contorting to fit in, and then you're just cargo culting a good culture instead of really having one.
Smolder, I don't mean it as black and white as it sounds. Here's an analogy:
If you see $5 laying on the ground, it's better for you to pick it up. That's different than saying we must structure society in a way that people are relying on finding money on the ground (which is where you are taking it.)
It's OBVIOUSLY possible to have teams and employees that operate fine without these experiences. My point is that these experiences are just opportunities to make it better (like picking up the $5) so why wouldn't one try to be the kind of person who is happy to pick up the $5 rather than someone who grumbles about it?
What inevitably happens with your approach is that people will soon gradually feel forced into taking part in bar meetings, else their "rapport" would be affected, which would have further detrimental effects down their career at that place. Hence people get herded into team building exercises for the group against their will, even though they might have zero interest or capability in such exercises. This leads to the cargoculting mentioned in the previous comment.
Sure, it's good to find and pick up $5 on the street, but in this case it will inevitably lead to a place where people have to rely on finding money on the ground.
Sometimes people do not enjoy things that are safe bets for others. They are not wrong for having those preferences, and shouldn't need an adjustment. Conformity is not a virtue, IMO, and it's not productive to get hung up on it. Networking and developing a rapport with people can be done lots of ways. Everyone can afford to cut the "weirdos" some slack in how they approach it, just as the inverse is true.
G-d forbid! Conformity is the worst thing ever. I am probably more in favor of that view that anyone else. My appreciation for weird people is extremely high.
I am approaching this from a different angle - from the individual's point of view. As an individual, you "should" want to be as capable and versatile as possible. The version of you which is capable of enjoying socialization with your coworkers is strictly more flexible that the version of you that fears it. It doesn't take away your option to go home and do introverted activity when you want to.
I have infinite examples of this in my life. Just a quick one - I grew up extremely introverted and shielded from human interaction, spent much of my (especially) highschool and college years behind the computer. This was very helpful to me developing great technical and developer skills.
Fast forward many years, I had the opportunity to go to business school. One of the most painful parts of b-school for me initially was the happy hour. I didn't know how to small talk or just hang out and "be." It was rough and I hated it. But over the course of the years, I got used to it, relaxed about it, and found myself enjoying it. It's one of the things that enabled me over time to move to product management - the realization that I went from someone ill at ease speaking with new people to someone who doesn't think twice about it.
Did I "conform" or lose a part of myself? No, I am currently hiding out on the balcony learning React and playing with Serverless while my wife is hanging out with the baby. I am choosing right now to spend my time not much different than how I spent it in high school, and I am loving that. The point is though if I had a social family or work obligation to go to in the evening, I wouldn't lose my shit about it anymore - I'd get dressed, go, enjoy it, and possibly get the networking/wife brownie points out of the experience. It's a strictly better way to be than dreading/avoiding it.
PS: thank you for your comment, it made me reflect on what I am trying to convey and, hopefully, convey it more clearly in this response.
Yeah it's funny - sometimes it takes someone reacting/challenging me to pause me so I can figure out how to articulate it in a way that makes my intention and logic more clear.
it is more of team building & family time means the employee and company in itself is a family and that makes the difference for the outings for employees, trusted vision-driven folks out relaxing and enjoying in between the work. This definitely has a great impact on team morale.
