I'm using a throwaway account for this because I don't want to be this candid with any account that can be traced back to me.
After reading some of the response mentioning ADHD and the issues people have, I wanted to talk about my issues and see if it resonates with anyone else and if others relates to it. It's not something I ever really discussed with anyone and I do think it would be good for me to hear from others.
I have a mental barrier to doing certain tasks. For example anything related to paperwork or bureaucracy, I want to do those tasks, I know I must do them but whenever I start thinking of them I have a kind of barrier that stops me. It's extremely difficult to overcome that barrier. While I dearly wish those tasks were done, when it comes to starting, I cannot muster any of the motivation...
If I read a novel, I will either finish the novel within a few hours (or series of novels within a few days) and forget to eat or do anything else or, if I stop, I usually never come back to finish it.
It doesn't affect my work much because for work I do meet deadlines and I work from home but I'm still able to find the energy to do things. I do have one issue in that if I know exactly how to do a task, then the only for me to really complete it in time is for me to do it while watching tv or something that distracts my brain a bit. Otherwise, I quickly fall into looking at websites, spending time on hacker news or reading about anything new that piqued my interest.
I've never thought about seeing a therapist until now, but recently my girlfriend broke up with me mostly because of this and I still have a very hard time pushing myself to do what needs to be done (I really want to do it but whenever I start, I just hit a wall, it's like there's something pushing me to ignore it and do anything else... I sometimes even end up not wanting to do anything else but still can't muster the energy to start on those tasks)...
For some reason, when I try to edit this post, it doesn't update it correctly, there's a paragraph missing:
On the other hand, whenever my mind find something interesting, I can have a lot of focus. I'm able to spend a couple of week only thinking about that issue, during that time, nothing else really matters, and I can't really get interested in anything else. I have difficulty talking about anything else with my partner (which she used to find annoying). This can be anything from a problem at work, to researching what the best video projector would be and trying to understand everything behind the technology of all models in the market place... I do have a tendency to become completely uninterested about that subject or that task after it. So, for example, recently, I suddenly became obsessive about headphones and audio gear, I researched everything about them, bought quite a few high end headphones (spent a quarter of my salary on them) but by the time they finally arrived, I was no longer interested and couldn't even really find the motivation to test them. I barely use them and they are now gathering dust on my shelf
That sounds exactly like what the ADHD community calls a "hyperfixation". If you do want to look down the ADHD path more, here's some articles and such that might be helpful. Obviously, see a therapist about all of this and get diagnosed too if this all seriously resonates with you.
I have adhd and I would suggest you get that checked out because it sounds similar to how I experience it. Also search for hyperfocus online, it is what happens if people with ADHD get interested in something! As I said in another post, I get immensely interested in a new hobby like e.g. playing DND or learning how to play the guitar for one, two, maybe three weeks and after that - nada. Except "high dopamine" stuff like video games.
We are in very similar shoes. I get freaked out by administration and bureaucracy. I haven't submitted my taxes for years now. I stalled credit card payments and abandoned companies, never collected payments for my contracting jobs I've finished...
Work is not a problem for me either, I do what needs to be done, but not much more.
I also had negative cycles that eventually lead to my GF dumping me.
For me, the solution was fairly simple, to work on myself seriously. I found a therapist and started working out and now I feel I'm becoming a better version of myself. This is fairly recent, all this change happened in January.
Now we are seeing each other again with my ex and I'm making sounds plans to own a home and do something realistic with my life.
I've gotten so much out of seeing my current therapist. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made. However, I started with psychiatrists, and had 3 in a row who insulted me and were worse than doing nothing. Look for a LPC practicing cognitive behavioral therapy. I can't really put into words how it's helped but my life is significantly better now and I wish I had started sooner.
After reading some of the response mentioning ADHD and the issues people have, I wanted to talk about my issues and see if it resonates with anyone else and if others relates to it. It's not something I ever really discussed with anyone and I do think it would be good for me to hear from others.
I have a mental barrier to doing certain tasks. For example anything related to paperwork or bureaucracy, I want to do those tasks, I know I must do them but whenever I start thinking of them I have a kind of barrier that stops me. It's extremely difficult to overcome that barrier. While I dearly wish those tasks were done, when it comes to starting, I cannot muster any of the motivation...
If I read a novel, I will either finish the novel within a few hours (or series of novels within a few days) and forget to eat or do anything else or, if I stop, I usually never come back to finish it.
It doesn't affect my work much because for work I do meet deadlines and I work from home but I'm still able to find the energy to do things. I do have one issue in that if I know exactly how to do a task, then the only for me to really complete it in time is for me to do it while watching tv or something that distracts my brain a bit. Otherwise, I quickly fall into looking at websites, spending time on hacker news or reading about anything new that piqued my interest.
I've never thought about seeing a therapist until now, but recently my girlfriend broke up with me mostly because of this and I still have a very hard time pushing myself to do what needs to be done (I really want to do it but whenever I start, I just hit a wall, it's like there's something pushing me to ignore it and do anything else... I sometimes even end up not wanting to do anything else but still can't muster the energy to start on those tasks)...
Apologies for the rambling...