If you ever need someone to talk to, the national suicide hotline is 800-273-8255. It’s free and open 24x7.
As someone who struggle(s|d) with ideation, I realized that I too was on that path. If I kept idealizing suicide then I’d eventually succumb. Some recommendations:
1. Find a therapist with whom you can build a relationship.
2. Be open to medication. Even if side effects can hurt your quality of life, you’re clearly already suffering from QoL problems.
3. Keep an emotional journal. In it, also track common culprits like sleep, food, alcohol, etc. this can help you identify and avoid triggers.
4. Strongly consider active exercises to change your outlook. Force yourself to have a social life and hobbies. Cognitive behavioral therapy also has a number of (sometimes touchy-feels, yet effective) exercises. You can learn more from the book “Feeling Good”
As someone who struggle(s|d) with ideation, I realized that I too was on that path. If I kept idealizing suicide then I’d eventually succumb. Some recommendations:
1. Find a therapist with whom you can build a relationship.
2. Be open to medication. Even if side effects can hurt your quality of life, you’re clearly already suffering from QoL problems.
3. Keep an emotional journal. In it, also track common culprits like sleep, food, alcohol, etc. this can help you identify and avoid triggers.
4. Strongly consider active exercises to change your outlook. Force yourself to have a social life and hobbies. Cognitive behavioral therapy also has a number of (sometimes touchy-feels, yet effective) exercises. You can learn more from the book “Feeling Good”