Hi HN,

I am wondering what others look for in their managers, and what kinds of questions you would ask the managers on prospective teams? How would you describe your relationship with your manager?

I ask because I realized in the last few months at my current role (and most of my time at this company), my relationship with my manager was non-existent. I've had 3 managers in the past 3.5 years over 2 teams. I don't think I'm a bad dev, but I am open to that possibility, but that leads me to my next point: I never knew where I stood with my manager. My first (and only) promotion from ~2.5 years ago blind-sided me. I only recently learned how the review process worked and how bonuses were calculated. I never took the initiative to build this relationship, to ask them where I stood, to see if I was on the right track, to request their time. If I could avoid our 1-on-1's, I subconsciously did, because I had nothing to say.

When searching for a new role, I don't want to repeat the same mistakes. I plan on having regularly 1-on-1's and being very explicit with where I stand in relation to promotions, pay, their view of my quality of work, and how my teammates view me--which are all things that I thought were essentially random processes prior to the past couple months.

On this site, it is often said that "people quit managers, not companies". How do you decide if a manager is right for you? I realized as well that I have no idea how to rate the quality of my own managers. I don't know what criteria to judge them if we had a good relationship or bad relationship.

Is it my manager's responsibility as well to build this relationship with me? If I am constantly blindsided by my feedback, that's on both of us? I suppose I am trying to rid myself of guilt, but interested in others' feedback.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Interested in your responses.