Never had any of this happen, it's quicker and easier than even using contactless credit cards for me. And it's becoming really commonplace in the UK.
1) You've never unlocked your phone before? How weird.
2) How broken is your phone? Never had this issue (I use android pay multiple times per day)
3) This is unusual, to the point of not being a thing here - Applepay is compatible with contactless EMV, as is Android Pay and there's basically nothing to be done at the merchant end to support it.
4) Of course there's a way to tell, they all have the four lights at the top, either physically or on-screen, plus there's the contactless logo the display on-screen.
These imagined impediments are hilarious though, you should have a sketch show.
I use android pay when it's available in the US, but the first time you encounter any specific reader, there's a learning curve. By "reader", it should be obvious we mean the reader that is in the store that you tap your phone or slide your card into, not the fingerprint reader on your phone.
Most of them look like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Payment_terminal#/media/File:P... and will occasionally have a contactless payment icon or an apple/android pay logo on the screen when you walk up to it. In the case of this card reader, the NFC point is at the bottom of the screen and you basically have to rub your phone on the screen to get it to read.
Sometimes they look like this one: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jeepersmedia/14128014654 but that big pad at the top is a lie - those have never actually worked and if there's not a sign on it, the cashier will tell you it's "broken".
I'd say about half of my credit card transactions these days involve me handing a card to someone who swipes it directly into the register - there's no way to possibly use NFC or enter a PIN for debit/etc.
The NFC area is consistently at the top, and is consistently visible. If the standards aren't being followed in the US reader market then clearly that's not going to help anyone, but it's just more evidence that the US credit card technology market is outdated and a very weird outlier.
1) You've never unlocked your phone before? How weird.
2) How broken is your phone? Never had this issue (I use android pay multiple times per day)
3) This is unusual, to the point of not being a thing here - Applepay is compatible with contactless EMV, as is Android Pay and there's basically nothing to be done at the merchant end to support it.
4) Of course there's a way to tell, they all have the four lights at the top, either physically or on-screen, plus there's the contactless logo the display on-screen.
These imagined impediments are hilarious though, you should have a sketch show.