Perhaps, but making sure a company isn't screwing you over by throwing your personal information around willy-nilly doesn't require opening with a direct threat and then listing 40 or so different demands for information, several of which are technicalities which have little relevance to determining whether or not the data is really being handled safely and responsibly anyway.
A normal person who really was worried about how their data was being used would probably write a polite letter asking what data was being stored, how it was being used, and maybe a couple of supplementary points if they had particular concerns or perhaps had heard a warning about some specific practice that could be dangerous.
