This is an extremely common situation. No doubt you are not alone at your company, but no one will admit it.
This is just a temporary down cycle in your life. It's hard to see now but things will get better again in time. While you're waiting it out you must see a pdoc to get treatment.
You are not a loser, less capable, or less intelligent. It's all an illusion created by your brain and it's fixable.
So from a scientific perspective, you actually have no right to criticize yourself based on admittedly invalid criteria.
So maybe you want to believe me, but are not sure if I truly understand your "big 4" level of difficulty. Well surprise! Been there done that, worked with PhDs in math/cs, people from Stanford, Harvard and the rest, people claiming an IQ of 180, etc. My conclusion? Everything above applies no matter whar company you're at.
Again, your abilities are not the problem. You are suffering from insecurities and depression which are fixable.
Here's an experiment for you: When you go to see your local pdoc, ask her how many people she knows like you at the same damn "big 4" company you work at, suffering silently together on the same campus.
This is just a temporary down cycle in your life. It's hard to see now but things will get better again in time. While you're waiting it out you must see a pdoc to get treatment.
You are not a loser, less capable, or less intelligent. It's all an illusion created by your brain and it's fixable.
Also you must realize a lot of big 4 interviews are bullshit and don't mean anything. Don't believe me? Read about how Google realized its own interviews were bullshit: https://blog.stackoverflow.com/2016/02/the-stack-overflow-in...
So from a scientific perspective, you actually have no right to criticize yourself based on admittedly invalid criteria.
So maybe you want to believe me, but are not sure if I truly understand your "big 4" level of difficulty. Well surprise! Been there done that, worked with PhDs in math/cs, people from Stanford, Harvard and the rest, people claiming an IQ of 180, etc. My conclusion? Everything above applies no matter whar company you're at.
Again, your abilities are not the problem. You are suffering from insecurities and depression which are fixable.
Here's an experiment for you: When you go to see your local pdoc, ask her how many people she knows like you at the same damn "big 4" company you work at, suffering silently together on the same campus.
Hang tough - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass