It's pretty much the performance culture. It adds a level of stress which impedes my ability to do a good job. I also see a negative effect it has on others and the org's behaviour.
I have a very good friend who is a medical doctor and swapped to engineering. He bought some books and self studied. He's now working his dream job at a biotech startup trying to extend life, using both of his skills simultaneously. Based on what he tells me I'd say there is a large demand for the niche crossover of M.D. + SWE in the startup space right now.
Yes I've done almost 2 years now of therapy. It's partially how I pulled myself out of my depressing hole and went after one of my dreams (join a FAANG). Despite how disillusioned I sound here, I'm actually in a better place now mentally than I was in the last 5 years.
> switched to information security. I found reverse engineering, doing CTFs, and hacking things in general brought back the sense of joy I’d lost.
This really resonates with me. I did a binary exploitation class in my M.S. where we did weekly CTFs. I really, really enjoyed this - thanks for reminding me. Do you have any tips for breaking into the industry?
I did the OSCP, a 3-month course + exam that teaches an overview/the basics of infosec and more specifically pentesting
It’s a fairly well-regarded certification (and a tough 24-hr exam), and got me interviews for Senior Security Consultant roles at firms like NCC Group with no prior security background
I think a typical progression is something like Security Consultant/Pentesting at a consultancy and then transitioning to Security Engineer/Security Researcher at a more specialized firm
I was actually able to bypass this and somehow land my dream job (binary/IoT reverse engineer) immediately after seeing them post on the r/reverseengineering subreddit and just going for it
Besides the OSCP, what helped me land the role was playing microcorruption CTF
Happy to help if you have more Qs: ashwin@dopplio.com
Re. FAANG I feel this must have been true at some point? I knew people who worked at these places in the 2010s and they loved it. I think I must have missed the golden period. There are probably still great teams with great culture at these places but they are difficult to get into and are the minority now.
And you're right, my expectations absolutely set me up for failure.
Hmm I guess what I said can come off as condescending. But I was trying to condense all of my experience in less than 4k words, and I guess I came out sounding a bit like an asshole based on your comment.
Trust me, I don't think that highly of myself. Even when I was getting good perf reviews, I constantly was critical of myself as not doing a good enough job. I had bad burn out for several years and it made me feel like I couldn't do my job anymore. My self confidence was very bad, and I still struggle with imposter syndrome in my current role.
Many of the things I described above, I used to blame myself for as if they were entirely my fault. It was only after working with a therapist I was able to reframe these events as being out of my control. Which helped me get out of the hole I was in. So I disagree it's bad to blame external events - I actually think that's a very healthy way to look at the bad things that happen to us.
By saying I want to work with people that care like I do, I mean people who are passionate about engineering and want to do a good job. I've found that incredibly hard to find. Morale in general just seems to be poor.
I probably just need to be realistic. It seems the kind of dream team I want to be on is very rare. I had it once in my career so far, and didn't even realize what I had at the time.
> The impression I get is that you must be someone incredibly annoying to work with
I'm actually a pushover, which is a problem. I go out of my way to make everyone I work with happy, at my own expense. Despite being an introvert, I'm the person organising social events, checking in on my team members who seem down, and trying to help everyone to get along. But I guess my inner dialogue makes me sound like an asshole, which is fair enough. I think I can be overly critical of others (and myself, first of all).
> Stop looking outside, work on yourself instead.
Yes, this is a good point and what I'm trying. I find my FAANG job very stressful, and it makes it hard for me to relax outside of work. Maybe my next challenge is just learning to disconnect from work as much as possible. Easier said then done.
I am glad to hear that. I was hard with you because I've seen too many good people enter into similar cycles and some of them never come back.
Yeah, I don't know if this at-your-face style of communication could help you, but if everyone was just parroting feel-good stuff at you, I had to try the intervention style.
That said, maybe this particular company is not good for you. I once worked in an ad-tech company and my life was miserable because I could not come to terms with what I was helping to build. Maybe you despise the product you helping build, idk. Do some soul-searching, and if that's the case, changing jobs can help a bit, as long as you don't see it as a miracle potion. Generally, the stuff you do can produce mostly marginal improvements, don't expect giant improvements on any single change you do. And above all, tread lightly. Maybe change teams first?
But man, please, just take a breath, and care less about stuff that actually doesn't matter that much in the great scheme of things.
I really don't know what will help you, but just try a lot of stuff till something works, and all the while try to see the big picture. Man, we are just another animal on this small rock in a very non-remarkable planetary system, orbiting a very average star. Life is fucking short, try to enjoy it.
Money is good, but it is only as good as the use you make of it, and you have to be careful because overly indulging in material desires gets old fast, and then you see yourself surrounded by junk that just depresses you. Try to avoid that trap.
These days I use a private music sharing site. I browse the Top 10 every few days, grab things that look interesting, and listen. I am constantly discovering new artists and new favorite albums.
I used Spotify for years and found the discovery not very good.
Not great. I got separated and have been struggling with depression the last couple years. I'm stuck in a foreign, expensive location paying spousal support so I barely have any money left over and no family and few friends. Rents keep going up and I don't see how I'm ever going to buy a place now or retire. My single friends who are junior to me are grinding leetcode and getting into big tech companies, making twice as much as me, which makes me feel left behind. I'm either in single dad mode or spending my free time catching up on household jobs, and preparing for interviews is really tough to fit in (but I started doing it anyways). I feel completely stuck and screwed, now throw the anxiety of interviews on top of that, and I can never relax. Just steeling myself now for failing my interviews due to lack of time to prepare.
compare yesterday's you vs today's you.
comparing yourself to others is a losing game, often detrimental.
I'd consider moving away from the current place of living and reorganize your thoughts.
Thanks for the words. Can't move due to custody arrangements, unfortunately. I dream of simply leaving it all behind, but I'm not willing to lose my kids so I endure for their sake.
I suggest you to speak to a mental mentor. I never thought of doing it but recently did and it helped me.
I have a friend who went through similar. I've known him about 10 years now. Trust me it gets better over time. He did move to another state(province in Canada) though.
Great for her, terrible for everyone else in the family. After that experience, I take these kind of articles with a heavy dose of salt.
They translate loosely into "Be selfish, think only about yourself, live your own life" no matter the consequences.