Yes, I hate people that can't read, too. Vim fucking tells you how to quit as soon as you hit ctrl^c. What the fuck m8. It's not even a funny joke anymore. It's just pure cringe.
On topic: It's weird that nano is so beloved, but good that GNU just keeps pushing out things as long as they are used.
Type :qa! and press <Enter> to abandon all changes and exit Vim
Maybe not quite what the user was looking for. But I guess it does get you out of Vim.
ETA: Also, that answer on Stack Overflow at one time was the answer with the most traffic on the site. Reading must be a common problem for trapped Vim users.
I think abandon-changes is probably the best suggestion for most people in that situation. If you don't know how to exit you've probably made some accidental changes.
On topic: It's weird that nano is so beloved, but good that GNU just keeps pushing out things as long as they are used.