There is nothing to do over, as I have not done anything. I am here through a series of events that have been out of my control.
As I currently lay on a bunkbed on a little cottage on a mountain somewhere in Europe, I could have never predicted or actively have made a choice to bring me here. If I believe I did, through consciously setting a goal, the series of events or choice to get me to that point would have been out of my control.
There is no control. Our decisions are influenced by all the previous decisions, decisions of others (our parents, our significant others, our bosses, etc), and external events outside of our control.
External events as insignificant as bus being late. Such an insignificant event but it could prevent someone from having meet their significant other, or to have lost a job, to have escaped a traffic accident, or to have heard an idea that completely changed their lives.
There is no free will. This is freeing and humbling. Freeing because you know you are doing the best you can, with the capabilities you have at this moment. Humbling because you know other people are too.
Sure my life would have been better had my parents stayed together, and my mom not immigrated but then I would have grown up in a third world country and would be confined to that normal life. Sure I went through a lot of trauma, but I have now the ability and freedom to travel the world.
All the trauma of my childhood and teenage years left me with intimacy issues, unable to sustain a long-term relationship. Do I wish that was not the case? I'm not too sure. I like my life, with the travelling and chaos. Had I not had emotional issues, I would probably have a family and kids by now, and be settle down. It's likely I would have enjoyed that, as I would be that guy who wants the family life, but I'm glad I'm this guy. It was not up to me anyway, who I will be in 10 years it's not up to me either.
